iful, and it was not a
disadvantageous match, but I had seen fairer faces and fortunes go by
without coveting them. I think a certain obstinacy of purpose, and an
absurd pleasure in carrying off a prize (such a prize!) from many rivals
was at the bottom of it all. In six months I began to appreciate the
inconveniences of living with a statue; but I can say it truly, I never
dreamed of betraying her. Yet I had temptations. Remember I was not yet
twenty-two, and one does not bear disappointments well at that age. We
had not been married quite a year when an officer in a native regiment
died, up in the Hills, of _delirium tremens_. Do you know that, under
such circumstances, there is always a commission appointed to examine
the dead man's papers. I could not help seeing that, for some days past,
my wife's manner had been strangely sullen and cold, but I had no
suspicion of the truth. I don't think I have ever been so surprised as
when the president of the commission brought me a bundle of her letters.
I never saw her paramour: he must have been more fool than scoundrel to
have kept what he ought to have burned. I did not thank the man who gave
me those papers, and I never spoke to him again. I only read one of
them: it was written soon after our marriage. I went to my wife with
_this_ in my hand. She listened to me in her own icy way, not denying or
confessing any thing; but she defied me to prove actual infidelity
either before or after my authority began. I could not do it, whatever I
might think. I could only prove a course of lies and _chicanerie_,
worked out by her and all her family, that would have sickened the most
unscrupulous schemer alive. I told her I would never sleep under the
same roof with her again. She laughed--if you could hear her laugh, you
would excuse me for more than I have done--and said, 'You can't get a
divorce.' She was right there. So it was settled that we were to live
apart without any public scandal. But her people would not accept this
position. They sent a brother to bully me. It was an unwise move. My
temper was wilder in those days, and I had strong provocation; yet I
repent that I did not keep my hands off the throat of that wretched,
blustering civilian. It was all arranged peacefully at last, and I have
not seen her since, though I hear of her from time to time, as I did
yesterday. This happened eleven long years ago, and she has never given
me a chance of ridding myself of her since. S