e attempt at a pedestrian
performance I was tied round the middle with a broad ribbon, my unhappy
little feet see-sawing in the air, and barely brushing the ruffled surface
of the Persian carpet, while I appeared like a tempting bait, with which
my nurse, after the manner of an experienced angler, was bobbing for some
of the strange monsters worked into the gorgeous pattern.

Crooked legs were "taken care of" by a brace of symmetrical iron shackles,
and Brobdignag walnut-shells, decorated with flaming bows of crimson
ribbon, were attached to each side of my small face, to prevent me from
squinting. When old enough to mount a pony, I was "taken such care of," by
being secured to the saddle, that the restive little brute, feeling
inclined for a tumble, deliberately rolled over me some half-dozen times
before the astonished stable-boy could effect my deliverance! while the
corks with which I was provided to learn to swim in some three feet square
of water, slipped accidentally down to my toes, and left me submerged so
long that the total consumption of all the salt, and wetting in boiling
water of all the blankets, in the house was found absolutely necessary to
effect my resuscitation.

At school I was once more to be "taken care of;" consequently I pined to
death in a wretched single-bedded room, shuddering with inconceivable
horror at the slightest sound, and conjuring up legions of imaginary
sprites to haunt my couch during my waking hours of dread and misery. O
how I envied the reckless laughter of the gleeful urchins whose unmindful
parents left them to the happy utterance of their own and participation in
their young companions' thoughts!

As a parlour boarder, which I was of course, "to be taken care of," I was
not looked upon as one of the "fellows," but merely as a little
upstart--one who most likely was pumped by the master and mistress, and
peached upon the healthy rebels of the little world.

Christmas brought me no joys. "Taking care of my health" prevented me from
skating and snow-balling; while perspective surfeits deprived me of the
enjoyments of the turkeys, beef, and glorious pudding.

At eighteen I entered as a gentleman commoner at ---- College, Cambridge;
and at nineteen a suit of solemn black, and the possession of five
thousand a year, bespoke me heir to all my father left; and from that hour
have I had cause to curse the title of this paper. Young and
inexperienced, I entered wildly into all the