.

Here are the ingredients of the farce; and in the course of it they are
compounded in such wise as to make _Woodpecker_ jealous, merely because he
happens to find _Fanny_ in the dark, and in _Whistleborough's_ arms; to
cause the latter to negotiate with _Mrs. Coo_ for a seat in Parliament,
instead of a wedding-ring; and _Pacific_ to talk of the probable prospects
of the nuptial state to _Miss Polecon_, who is an inveterate spinster and
a political economist, professing the Malthusian creed. _Rivet_ finding
_Fanny_ and her friend are taking business out of his hands by planning an
elopement _en amateur_, gets himself "regularly called in," and manages to
save _Woodpecker_ all the trouble, by contriving that _Whistleborough_
shall run away with the young lady by mistake, so that _Woodpecker_ might
marry her, and no mistake. _Bam_ bams _Whistleborough_, who ends the piece
by threatening his deceiver with an action for breach of promise of
borough, all the other breaches having been duly made up; together with
the match between _Mrs. Coo_ and _Pacific_.

If our readers want to be told what we think of this farce, they will be
disappointed; if they wish to know whether it is good or bad, witty or
dull, lively or stupid--whether it ought to have been damned outright, or
to supersede the Christmas pantomime--whether the actors played well or
played the deuce--whether the scenery is splendid and the appointments
appropriate or otherwise, they must judge for themselves by going to see
it; because if we gave them our opinion they would not believe us, seeing
that the author is one of our most esteemed (especially over a boiled
chicken and sherry), most merry, most jolly, most clever colleagues; one,
in fine, of PUNCH'S "United Service."

* * * * *

"I have been running ever since I was born and am not tired now"--as the
brook said to Captain Barclay.

"Hookey"--as the carp said, when he saw a worm at the end of a line.

"_Nothing is_ certain"--as the fisherman said, when he always found it in
his nets.

"Brief let it be"--as the barrister said in his conference with the
attorney.

"He is the greatest liar on (H) earth"--as the cockney said of the
lapdog he often saw lying before the fire.

When is a hen most likely to hatch? When she is in earnest (her nest).

Why are cowardly soldiers like butter? When exposed to a _fire_ they
_run_.

Do you sing?--says the teapot to the kettle--Y