tion of an ideal husband; but every
woman's ideal lover is the same impossible combination of saint and
devil, brute and baby, hero and mollycoddle, that never is seen anywhere
off the stage or outside the pages of a "best thriller."

Love is a voyage of discovery, marriage the goal--and divorce the relief
expedition.

A man never can comprehend why a woman can't understand how he can be
dead in love with one girl and acutely alive to the charms of a lot of
others at the same time.

Jealousy is the tie that binds--and binds--and binds.

It is not the fear of being shipwrecked that keeps a bachelor from
embarking on the sea of matrimony; it is the awful horror of being
becalmed.

Nowadays most women grow old gracefully; most men, disgracefully.

A man can forgive a woman for having made a fool of herself over any man
on earth--except himself.

Eternity: The interval between the time when a woman discovers that a
man is in love with her and the time when he finds it out himself and
tells her about it.

The follies which a man regrets the most, in his life, are those which
he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

In the average man's opinion the command, "Thou shalt not steal," does
not apply to a kiss, a heart, an umbrella, an hotel or an after-dinner
story.

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning; to a man, it
is the beginning of the end.

The qualities a man seeks in a bride no more resemble those he will want
in a wife than a cabaret rag-ditty resembles a lullaby, but two years
ahead is farther than any man can see when he is looking into a pretty
girl's eyes.

YOU MAY GROOM, YOU MAY POLISH HIM UP AS YOU WILL,
BUT THE MARK OF THE "M A R R I E D M A N" CLINGS TO HIM STILL.

[Illustration: You may polish him up . . .]

WIDOWERS

THE tenderest, most impressionable thing on earth is the heart of a
yearling widower.

Of course it is easier to marry a widower than a bachelor. A man who has
been through the Armageddon of _one_ marriage has no spirit of battle
left in him.

When a widow begins curling her hair, again, or a widower begins
worrying about his thinness on top, Cupid chuckles and gets out his
arrows and Satan smiles behind his hand.

In the matrimonial market a seasoned bachelor is just a shop-worn
remnant; a divorce is a cast-off, second-hand article; but a widower is
a treasured heirloom inherited only through death.

After his wedd