unsympathetic; but suppose
we get back to business.

THE INCA. Business! What business?

ERMYNTRUDE. Well, MY business. You want me to marry one of the Inca's
sons: I forget which.

THE INCA. As far as I can recollect the name, it is His Imperial
Highness Prince Eitel William Frederick George Franz Josef Alexander
Nicholas Victor Emmanuel Albert Theodore Wilson--

ERMYNTRUDE [interrupting]. Oh, please, please, mayn't I have one with a
shorter name? What is he called at home?

THE INCA. He is usually called Sonny, madam. [With great charm of
manner.] But you will please understand that the Inca has no desire to
pin you to any particular son. There is Chips and Spots and Lulu and
Pongo and the Corsair and the Piffler and Jack Johnson the Second,
all unmarried. At least not seriously married: nothing, in short, that
cannot be arranged. They are all at your service.

ERMYNTRUDE. Are they all as clever and charming as their father?

THE INCA [lifts his eyebrows pityingly; shrugs his shoulders; then,
with indulgent paternal contempt]. Excellent lads, madam. Very honest
affectionate creatures. I have nothing against them. Pongo imitates
farmyard sounds--cock crowing and that sort of thing--extremely well.
Lulu plays Strauss's Sinfonia Domestica on the mouth organ really
screamingly. Chips keeps owls and rabbits. Spots motor bicycles. The
Corsair commands canal barges and steers them himself. The Piffler
writes plays, and paints most abominably. Jack Johnson trims ladies'
hats, and boxes with professionals hired for that purpose. He is
invariably victorious. Yes: they all have their different little
talents. And also, of course, their family resemblances. For example,
they all smoke; they all quarrel with one another; and they none of them
appreciate their father, who, by the way, is no mean painter, though the
Piffler pretends to ridicule his efforts.

ERMYNTRUDE. Quite a large choice, eh?

THE INCA. But very little to choose, believe me. I should not recommend
Pongo, because he snores so frightfully that it has been necessary to
build him a sound-proof bedroom: otherwise the royal family would get no
sleep. But any of the others would suit equally well--if you are really
bent on marrying one of them.

ERMYNTRUDE. If! What is this? I never wanted to marry one of them. I
thought you wanted me to.

THE INCA. I did, madam; but [confidentially, flattering her] you are not
quite the sort of person I expected you to b