y know how to put
this--will you be mine?

ERMYNTRUDE. Oh, Sir, you are married.

THE INCA. I am prepared to embrace the Mahometan faith, which allows a
man four wives, if you will consent. It will please the Turks. But I had
rather you did not mention it to the Inca-ess. If you don't mind.

ERMYNTRUDE. This is really charming of you. But the time has come for
me to make a revelation. It is your Imperial Majesty's turn now to brace
yourself. To steel yourself. I am not the princess. I am--

THE INCA. The daughter of my old friend Archdeacon Daffodil Donkin,
whose sermons are read to me every evening after dinner. I never forget
a face.

ERMYNTRUDE. You knew all along!

THE INCA [bitterly, throwing himself into his chair]. And you supposed
that I, who have been condemned to the society of princesses all my
wretched life, believed for a moment that any princess that ever walked
could have your intelligence!

ERMYNTRUDE. How clever of you, Sir! But you cannot afford to marry me.

THE INCA [springing up]. Why not?

ERMYNTRUDE. You are too poor. You have to eat war bread. Kings nowadays
belong to the poorer classes. The King of England does not even allow
himself wine at dinner.

THE INCA [delighted]. Haw! Ha ha! Haw! haw! [He is convulsed with
laughter, and, finally has to relieve his feelings by waltzing half round
the room.]

ERMYNTRUDE. You may laugh, Sir; but I really could not live in that
style. I am the widow of a millionaire, ruined by your little war.

THE INCA. A millionaire! What are millionaires now, with the world
crumbling?

ERMYNTRUDE. Excuse me: mine was a hyphenated millionaire.

THE INCA. A highfalutin millionaire, you mean. [Chuckling]. Haw! ha ha!
really very nearly a pun, that. [He sits down in her chair.]

ERMYNTRUDE [revolted, sinking into his chair]. I think it quite the
worst pun I ever heard.

THE INCA. The best puns have all been made years ago: nothing remained
but to achieve the worst. However, madam [he rises majestically; and she
is about to rise also]. No: I prefer a seated audience [she falls back
into her seat at the imperious wave of his hand]. So [he clicks his
heels]. Madam, I recognize my presumption in having sought the honor
of your hand. As you say, I cannot afford it. Victorious as I am, I am
hopelessly bankrupt; and the worst of it is, I am intelligent enough
to know it. And I shall be beaten in consequence, because my most
implacable enemy, though only a few m