ht. Jest the
same, though, I'm yere to give the news to any magnetizing horned-toad
who sows the seeds of dispoote in this camp that, if he goes about
malignin' me, he'll shore find I'm preecisely the orange-hued
chimpanzee to wrop my prehensile tail around him an' yank him from his
limb.'

"'Aside from aidin' the deef an' the blind,' says the Professor,
ignorin' Monte utter an' addressin' himse'f to Boggs an' the public
gen'ral, 'my ministrations has been found eff'cacious wharever the
course of troo love has not run smooth. I binds up wounds of
sent'ment, an' cures every sickness of the soul. Which, if thar's any
heart lyin' 'round loose yereabouts an' failin' to beat as one, or a
sperit that's been disyoonited from its mate an' can't remake the
hook-up, trust me to get thar with bells on in remedyin' sech evils.'

"The Professor beams as he gets this off, mighty benignant. Texas,
feelin' like the common eye is on him, commences to grow restless.

"'Be you-all alloodin' to me?' he asks the Professor, his manner
approaching the petyoolant. 'Let me give you warnin', an' all on the
principle that a wink is as good as a nod to a blind mule. So shore as
you go to makin' any plays to reyoonite me an' that divorced Laredo
wife of mine I'll c'llect enough of your hypnotizin' hide to make a
saddle-cover.'

"'Permit me,' says the Professor, turnin' to Texas some aghast, 'to
give you my word I nourishes no sech deesigns. Which I'm driven to
say, however, that your attitoode is as hard to fathom as a fifth ace
in a poker deck. I in no wise onderstands your drift.'

"'You onderstands at least,' returns Texas, still morbid an'
f'rocious, 'that you or any other fortune teller might better have
been born a Digger Injun to live on lizards, sage bresh an'
grasshoppers than come messin' 'round in my mar'tal affairs with a
view to reebuildin' 'em up. My hopes in that behalf is rooined; an'
whoever ondertakes their rehabil'tation'll do it in the smoke. What
I'm out after now is the ca'm onbroken misery of a single life, an'
I'll shore have it or have war.'

"'My heated friend, I harbors no notion,' the Professor protests, 'of
tryin' to make it otherwise. Your romancin' 'round single, that a-way,
ain't no skin off my nose. An' while I never before hears of your
former bride, I'm onable to dodge the feelin' that she herse'f most
likely might reesent to the utmost any attempt on my part to ag'in
bring you an' her together.'

"Texas