eachery proves that, instead of Germany
being the aggressor, France has been cunningly preparing ever since 1212
A.D. for the war which at last even our chivalrous diplomacy has been
powerless to avert.

GENEROUS OFFER TO MONACO.

It is time for Monaco to reconsider its position. Should it maintain its
present short-sighted and untenable neutrality what has it to gain from
England, France, or Russia? Nothing that it has not already got. Monaco
very naturally wants something more. Let us be frank. We of Germany
speak very differently. It is not desirable to be specific, but short of
that we may say that whatever Monaco asks for it will be promised.
England, we would then repeat, is the enemy. Has Monaco forgotten the
sinister malignity of an article in an English paper disclosing "How to
Break the Bank at Monte Carlo." It is unnecessary to labour the point,
to which we will return in our next issue. Monaco, in short, like
Turkey, Bolivia, China, the United States, Hayti and Oman, is the
natural ally of Germany.

Illustration: "PFUTSCH! DEY VAS JUST A FEW TINGS VAT I USE TO FRIGHDEN
DER CATS FROM MEIN GARTEN!"

* * * * *

"After exhaustive research a Scotch scientist has decided that no
trees are species is struck as often as another."

_Vancouver Daily Province._

He must have a rest and then try some more research.

* * * * *

THE SLUMP IN CRIME.

"Praise is due to criminals," remarked Mr. ROBERT WALLACE, K.C., at the
London Sessions, "for the self-control they are exercising during this
period of stress and anxiety."

It is to be feared that Mr. WALLACE'S views are not entirely shared by
the legal profession. As the junior partner in Mowlem & Mowlem confided
to our representative: "That's all very fine, but what's to become of
_us_? Not a burglar on our books for the last six weeks. Not a
confidence man; not a coiner; not a note expert. And they had the
opportunity of their lives with the JOHN BRADBURY notes! We shall have
to shut up our office, and then what's to become of our clerk? What's to
become of our charwoman? I ask you, what's to become of our charwoman's
poor old husband dependent on her? No, let's have patriotism in its
_right_ place!"

An old-established firm of scientific implement merchants showed even
more indignation. "We had taken our place in the firing-line in the War
on Germany's Trade," they declared. "We had