hat are the most important items in the baby's clothing?_

The safety-pins which are in the bureau in the next room.

WEIGHT

_How should a child be weighed?_

Place the child in the scales. The father should then sit on top of the
child to hold him down. Weigh father and child together. Then deduct the
father's weight from the gross tonnage, and the weight of the child is
the result.

FRESH AIR

_What are the objections to an infant's sleeping out-of-doors?_

Sleeping out-of-doors in the city is all right, but children sleeping
out of doors in the country are likely to be kissed by wandering cows
and things. This should never be permitted under any circumstances.

DEVELOPMENT

_When does the infant first laugh aloud?_

When father tries to pin it up for the first time.

_If at two years the child makes no attempt to talk, what should be
suspected?_

That it hasn't yet seen anyone worth talking to.

FEEDING

_What should not be fed to a child?_

Ripe olives.

_How do we know how much food a healthy child needs?_

By listening carefully.

_Which parent should go and get the child's early morning bottle?_

The one least able to feign sleep.

XX

THE COMMITTEE ON THE WHOLE

A new plan has just been submitted for running the railroads. That makes
one hundred and eleven.

The present suggestion involves the services of some sixteen committees.
Now presumably the idea is to get the roses back into the cheeks of the
railroads, so that they will go running about from place to place again
and perhaps make a little money on pleasant Saturdays and Sundays. But
if these proposed committees are anything like other committees which we
have had to do with, the following will be a fair example of how our
railroads will be run.

The sub-committee on the Punching of Rebate Slips will have a meeting
called for five o'clock in the private grill room at the Pan-American
Building. Postcards will have been sent out the day before by the
Secretary, saying: "Please try to be present as there are several
important matters to be brought up." This will so pique the curiosity of
the members that they will hardly be able to wait until five o'clock.
One will come at four o'clock by mistake and, after steaming up and down
the corridor for half an hour, will go home and send in his resignation.

At 5:10 the Secretary will bustle in with a briefcase and a map showing
the weather areas over the entire Uni