, and it was the Rector's wife who
confronted our attack.

I said, upon enquiry, that I couldn't say what we wanted but placed
myself unreservedly in my colleague's hands. I then took a pace to the
rear and prepared to retire in good order. Robertson's whole efforts
were concentrated on refraining from taking off his cap, as behoves a
gentleman, but not an officer, and the Rector's wife remained amiable
but on the defensive. Charles, our position was a hopeless one and our
careers had concluded then and there but for the arrival of the ally.
Boy Scouts are as tactful as they are forgiving; he accepted our
explanation and apology to himself and he explained for us and
apologised to the Rector's wife. It was little he had to say, for never
was a less reluctant and more efficient billettee. This kind lady has
not only made our sojourn one long series of simple luxuries, she has
been through the whole of our kit and washed and repaired the lot. Think
what you may about the Church when you are a civilian in affluence, but
when you are a soldier in distress turn to it first for succour.

Lastly, a minor incident of a regretable nature. Halting on the march
yesterday for our transport to catch up (our transport is known as
Lieutenant Pearson's Circus) I discovered one of our dusty thirsty
warriors having made his illegal entrance into a public-house by an
emergency door. There he stood with a glisten in his eyes and his hand
just about to grasp the pewter pot! Out he went under sentence of death
by slow torture, and there was I left, with a thirst such as I have
never before believed to be possible, alone with a pewter pot, with the
foam just brimming over the top ... alone, unseen, undiscoverable ...

Your fallen Friend,
HENRY.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE LANGUAGE OF THE HOUR.

_Irate Lady (firing Parthian shot after marital misunderstanding)._
"Yer--yer bloomin' Oolan!"

* * * * *

LITERARY GOSSIP.

The Autumn publishing season will undoubtedly be affected by the war,
several firms having decided to withhold most of their forthcoming
books. Messrs. Odder and Thynne, however, being convinced that the
reading public cannot subsist entirely on newspapers, have with great
public spirit resolved to publish their full programme, which is
unusually full of works of interest.

* * * * *

The foremost place in their l