h half the
diplomats of Europe. He would open his conversation with a casual: "The
last time I was chatting with the KAISER (I shall, of course, cut him in
future)...."

Another occupation has been called into being by the War. It is that of
Berth-Snatcher. He is apparently a City man who has realised all his
securities and invested them in berths and staterooms on Atlantic
Liners. These he now offers "at a small bonus"--exact amount unstated.

Also interesting is the occupation of Amateur Adviser. He has much
well-intentioned advice to offer to all and sundry: "To the War Office.
It is hoped that something is being done regarding," etc. Or: "Japan,
our Ally, could easily lend us half a million men."

Presumably the Amateur Adviser has been denied place in the
correspondence columns.

The Young Hungarian Nobleman, whose remittances have been stopped by the
war, is reminiscent of the original yearner for the idyllic life. "Is
supposed to be of good appearance," he states with obtrusive modesty.

But the romantic halo around these young aristocrats is rather tarnished
by the Young French Vicomte. When he advertises that he "would
thankfully accept some clothes from English or American gentlemen," one
suspects a snug little second-hand business somewhere in savoury Soho.

* * * * *

From a letter in _The Bristol Evening Times_:--

"Only last evening I was passing through one of our main
thoroughfares, and saw seven or eight Territorials taking
refreshment in the backbone. I ask in fairness, Is this the
backbone. I ask in fairness, is this patriotic?"

In fairness we reply. It is neither.

* * * * *

"The old Latinist has it, 'Deos vult pedere prius dementas.'"

_Manx Chronicle._

How one's Latin slips from one with advancing age! But he must have been
very old.

* * * * *

"The Scheldt can easily be damned."--_Daily Chronicle._

So can the KAISER, but it isn't enough to say so.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Ex-Teuton (to landlady)._ "ACH! MADAME, EET IS ALL
RIGHT! I VOS ENGLEESH NOW! I HAVE TO-DAY MEIN PAPERS OF NATIONALIZATION
TO YOUR HOME OFFICE SENT OFF. DERE VOS SEVERAL OATHS BY HALF-A-DOZEN
PEOPLES TO BE SVORN. IT VOS A TREMENDOUS AFFAIRS!"

* * * * *

THE HEROES.

Once upon a time, many years ago--how many I canno