1840

Went to the village with Mama and my darling Addy [Lord John's
stepdaughter], to whom I may show how I love her now that he is
away.

MINTO, _September_ 7, 1840

Received a very, very sad note from Lord John in answer to mine--so
kind, but oh! so sad.

The note ran as follows:

_September_ 5, 1840

DEAR LADY FANNY,--You are quite right. I deceived myself, not from
any fault of yours, but from a deep sense of unhappiness, and a
foolish notion that you might throw yourself away on a person of
broken spirits, and worn out by time and trouble. There is nothing
left to me but constant and laborious attention to public business,
and a wretched sense of misery, which even the children can never
long drive away. However, that is my duty, and my portion, and I
have no right to murmur at what no doubt is ordained for some good
end. So do not blame yourself, and leave me to hope that my life
may not be long.

Yours truly, J. RUSSELL

Miss Lister wrote to Lord John on September 9, 1840:

Sad as your letters are, it is still a relief to have them. I
_will_ hope for you though you cannot for yourself.... I
cannot thank you as I wish and feel for all you are with regard to
the children, for all you have been to them. I never can think of
it without tears of gratitude.... You have been more than even an
own father could have been. And by your example--an example of all
that is good and pure and great in mind and conduct--you are doing
for them more than any other teaching can do.

For a few days Lady Fanny seems to have felt that the matter was
irrevocably settled: "The more I think of what has happened, the more I
bewilder myself--I therefore do not think at all."

But on the following day she writes: "Though I do not think, I dream. I
dreamt of him last night on some of Catherine's bride cake, and that Miss
Lister wrote to me of him as one whose equal could not be found in the
whole world."

Of one thing she was certain, she did not want to leave her home: "The west
hills looking beautiful as we walked round the church. What a pleasure it
is to have a church in such a situation! One worships God the better from
seeing His beauty so displayed around.... Walked in the glen and wandered
about the burn and top of Mama's glen, wondering how anybody could ever ask
me to leave all that is so much too dear.

"Yes