rld's end, and you will call me a sinful, discontented creature;
you will do anything but pity me, since my only complaint is that I
have not as much leisure as so much happiness requires to be
enjoyed. Well, say and think what you please; I must let you into
my secret follies, in the hope of curing myself in so doing.
London, hateful London, alone is at fault. Anywhere else my duties
and occupations would be light, and my _pleasures_ would be so
not in name only.... How _could_ I beg Mama, as I used to do,
to have more parties and dinners and balls! I cannot now conceive
the state of mind which made me actually wish for such things. Now
I have them in my power without number, and I detest them all. The
world has passed its judgment on me. I am reckoned cold, dull, and
unworthy of such a husband; and it is quite right, for I never
appear anything else. In short, I doubt my capacity for everything
except making husband and children happy--_that_ I have not
yet begun to doubt. When I do, I will instantly bid them all adieu
and "find out some peaceful hermitage." ... Darling Baby was
brought in to be seen in his christening dress, the gift of Mama,
and such a little love you never saw.... Papa is the best of
Grandpapas, as you may imagine from his love of babies, and I
delight in seeing him nurse it and speak to it....
Do not think this quite a mad letter. I wrote as the spirit, good
or evil, prompted me. I must do so or not write at all....
Ever, my dearest Mary, your most affectionate sister.
Lady Minto was evidently afraid that her daughter was shutting herself up
too entirely with her family, and not amusing herself as much as was good
for her.
"My dearest Mama," she answers (on July 5, 1843)--... I hope to
make you laugh at yourself for your fears about me, and to convince
you that the seclusion of Belgravia, though great, is not quite
like that of Kamschatka; that John's pleasure is not my pleasure,
that the welfare of the children is not my happiness, and that far
from constantly devoting my time to them, one whole afternoon this
week was devoted to the world and the fine arts in Westminster
Hall. I will name to you a few of the friends I met there, by all
of whom I was recognized, in spite of my long banishment, my
wrinkles, and my grey hair.... [Thirty names follow.]
The
|