ll_

BERLIN, _March 1,_ 1855

It was necessary in order to have any effect to decide at once on
my acceptance or refusal of office. I considered the situation of
affairs to be a very serious one. I had hoped that Lord Palmerston,
with the assistance of the Peelites, might go through the session.
Suddenly the secession took place, producing a state of affairs
such as no man ever remembered. Confidence in the Government was
shaken to a very great extent by the mortality and misery of our
Army in the Crimea. I could not resist inquiry; but having yielded
that point, it seemed dastardly to leave men, who had nothing to do
with sending the expedition to the Crimea, charged with the duty of
getting the Army out of the difficulty. Yet it was clear that Lord
Palmerston's Government without my help could hardly stand, and
thus the Government of 1854 would have been convicted of deserting
the task they had undertaken to perform. There remained the
personal difficulty of my serving under Palmerston in the House of
Commons; for my going to the House of Lords would have been only a
personal distinction to me and would not have helped Palmerston in
his difficulty. In the circumstances of the case I thought it right
to throw aside every consideration of ease, dignity, and comfort.
If I had not been responsible for the original expedition to the
Crimea, I would certainly not have taken the office I have now
accepted. Still, it brings the scattered remnants of the Liberal
party together and enables them to try once more whether they can
govern with success.... Lord Minto is now satisfied that I have
followed a public call; for public men must sacrifice themselves in
a great emergency. It was not a time to think of self.... We had an
account of the serious illness of the Emperor of Russia. If he
should die, I should have good hopes of peace....

March 2nd. News come of the Emperor's death. I hope it may be a
good event for Europe, but it makes me sad at present. "What
shadows we are and what shadows we pursue" constantly occurs to my
mind.... My mission may perhaps be more successful in consequence,
but no one can say. At all events you will come to Vienna....

Poor little boys and poor little Agatha! I should feel more
responsible with those children on a journey than with my mission
and