aken
it for granted that the _Mrs._ of the superior and wonderful
clairvoyant did not imply a husband, but was merely assumed
because it looks more dignified in the advertisement. But there
_was_ a _Mr._ Hayes, and presently the door opened and that
worthy appeared; he was surrounded by an atmosphere of fried
onions, and the fragrant and greasy perspiration in his face
seemed to have been distilled from that favorite vegetable.

Mr. Hayes is a tall, fierce, sharp-spoken man, of manners so very
rough and bearish that his wife and children quailed when he
spoke as if they expected an instant blow. We don't know that it
ever will be possible for a man to garrote his guardian angel for
the sake of her golden crown, but the idea occurred to Johannes
that if that amiable feat is ever accomplished, it will be by
such another man as this. He seemed as unable to speak a kind or
gentle word as to pull his boots off over his ears. He is an
Englishman, and speaks with the most intolerable cockney accent.
Moderating his harsh tones until they were almost as pleasant as
the threatenings of an ill-natured bull-dog, and addressing his
auditor, he growled out the following specimen of delectable
English:

"There is lots of folks goin' round town pretendin' to do
clairvoyance, and to cure sick folks, and to tell fortunes, and
business, and journeys, and stole property; but we ain't none of
them people. We only do this for the sake of doin' good, and we
don't want to do nothin' that will make any trouble. We used to
tell things about stole property, and about family troubles, and
so we sometimes used to get folks into musses, but we don't do
nothin' of that kind now. If your business is about any kind of
muss and trouble in your family we don't want nothin' to do with
it. Sometimes folks that has quarrelled their wives away come to
us and wants us to get them back again, but we don't do nothing
of that sort. We can tell 'em if their wives are well, or if
they're sick and all about what ails 'em, and so we can about any
people that is gone off anywhere, and them's what we call 'absent
friends.' So if you've got any trouble with your wife we can't do
nothin' for you."

The love-lorn visitor had no wives, a fact known to the reader
already, and when he does accumulate a help-meet, he sincerely
trusts she may not be so unruly as to require the interference of
outsiders to preserve harmony in the family. He expressed
himself to that eff