dies at a
niece's weddin' and a nigger head-waiter. The way she laid holt of
Hadds' collar was impressive a great deal more than I'm able to
tell you. Poor Hadds was faded. He looked like a pup caught with
a chicken in his mouth. They made a grand march to the general
goods counter, the Majoress still resemblin' a foreign queen.
Arrived there, she took up a hairbrush, and with a motion the
grandest I ever see in a human bein' she brought it down atop of
Hadds' head. Whacko!--Christmas, what a crack.

"'_Now_, will you let my Willie alone?' says she.

"Hadds jumped up and down and rubbed his head.

"'What ails you?' says he, near cryin'.

"'Hadds!' I remonstrated to him, 'remember you're speakin' to a
lady.'

"'Lady!' yells Hadds. 'Lady! Look at the lump on my head!'

"It was at this unfortunate minute a young feller see fit to come
into the store to buy some matches. He stopped a minute, as he
took a general view. There was the Major, apparently bleedin'
profusely, yet not carin' a great deal, seemin' more concerned in
rockin' bac'ard and forrard and sneezin'. His manner seemed to
say, 'So long as you don't interfere with the innocent pleasures of
a sneeze I don't care what breaks.' There was Hadds rubbin' his
head: there was me with my mouth open; and there was the Majoress,
leanin' over the counter and smilin' a dark, mysterious smile.

"The customer didn't know what to do.

"'Well?' says the Majoress, sharp and businesslike.

"The young feller jumped.

"'I beg your pardon,' says he. 'I'd like a box of matches.'

"The Majoress shook her head.

"'People don't always get what they like in this world,' says she.

"'No,' says the young feller. 'No, ma'am.' And then come an
awkward silence.

"The Majoress still shook her head.

"'This is a sad world,' she says.

"'Yes, ma'am,' says the young feller, edgin' for the door.

"'But you can have the matches,' says she.

"With that she hit him square between the eyes with a ten-cent box.
The young feller drew himself up proud.

"'I don't come in here to get insulted,' says he.

"The Majoress resumed her mysterious smile.

"'Why not?' says she.

"The young feller opened his mouth twice, but nothin' to suit the
occasion seemed to occur to him. He wheeled and tried to walk off
dignified, but the matches snappin' under his feet spoiled the
effect.

"'By-by!' says the Majoress; 'come again!'

"She grabbed a tray of mouth-organs and heaved