iousness even for a second, and the demoniacal
dread, which had possessed me from June, 1894, until this fall to earth
just six years later, was dispelled the instant I struck the ground. At
no time since have I experienced one of my imaginary attacks; nor has
my mind even for a moment entertained such an idea. The little demon
which had tortured me relentlessly for so many years evidently lacked
the stamina which I must have had to survive the shock of my suddenly
arrested flight through space. That the very delusion which drove me to
a death-loving desperation should so suddenly vanish would seem to
indicate that many a suicide might be averted if the person
contemplating it could find the proper assistance when such a crisis
impends.

III

It was squarely in front of the dining-room window that I fell, and
those at dinner were, of course, startled. It took them a second or two
to realize what had happened. Then my younger brother rushed out, and
with others carried me into the house. Naturally that dinner was
permanently interrupted. A mattress was placed on the floor of the
dining room and I on that, suffering intensely. I said little, but what
I said was significant. "I thought I had epilepsy!" was my first
remark; and several times I said, "I wish it was over!" For I believed
that my death was only a question of hours. To the doctors, who soon
arrived, I said, "My back is broken!"--raising myself slightly,
however, as I said so.

An ambulance was summoned and I was placed in it. Because of the nature
of my injuries it had to proceed slowly. The trip of a mile and a half
seemed interminable, but finally I arrived at Grace Hospital and was
placed in a room which soon became a chamber of torture. It was on the
second floor; and the first object to engage my attention and stir my
imagination was a man who appeared outside my window and placed in
position several heavy iron bars. These were, it seems, thought
necessary for my protection, but at that time no such idea occurred to
me. My mind was in a delusional state, ready and eager to seize upon
any external stimulus as a pretext for its wild inventions, and that
barred window started a terrible train of delusions which persisted for
seven hundred and ninety-eight days. During that period my mind
imprisoned both mind and body in a dungeon than which none was ever
more secure.

Knowing that those who attempt suicide are usually placed under arrest,
I beli