joy in looking
upon it or minding how it was.

20th. This morning up, with mighty kind words between my poor wife and
I; and so to White Hall by water, W. Hewer with me, who is to go with
me every where, until my wife be in condition to go out along with me
herself; for she do plainly declare that she dares not trust me out
alone, and therefore made it a piece of our league that I should alway
take somebody with me, or her herself, which I am mighty willing to,
being, by the grace of God, resolved never to do her wrong more. We
landed at the Temple, and there I bid him call at my cozen Roger Pepys's
lodgings, and I staid in the street for him, and so took water again at
the Strand stairs; and so to White Hall, in my way I telling him plainly
and truly my resolutions, if I can get over this evil, never to give
new occasion for it. He is, I think, so honest and true a servant to us
both, and one that loves us, that I was not much troubled at his being
privy to all this, but rejoiced in my heart that I had him to assist in
the making us friends, which he did truly and heartily, and with good
success, for I did get him to go to Deb. to tell her that I had told my
wife all of my being with her the other night, that so if my wife should
send she might not make the business worse by denying it. While I was at
White Hall with the Duke of York, doing our ordinary business with him,
here being also the first time the new Treasurers. W. Hewer did go to
her and come back again, and so I took him into St. James's Park, and
there he did tell me he had been with her, and found what I said about
my manner of being with her true, and had given her advice as I desired.
I did there enter into more talk about my wife and myself, and he did
give me great assurance of several particular cases to which my wife had
from time to time made him privy of her loyalty and truth to me after
many and great temptations, and I believe them truly. I did also
discourse the unfitness of my leaving of my employment now in many
respects to go into the country, as my wife desires, but that I would
labour to fit myself for it, which he thoroughly understands, and do
agree with me in it; and so, hoping to get over this trouble, we about
our business to Westminster Hall to meet Roger Pepys, which I did, and
did there discourse of the business of lending him L500 to answer some
occasions of his, which I believe to be safe enough, and so took leave
of him and awa