Mister JACKSON's travelling hexpenses!!! Oh, I say! Pugs _is_
a-looking up! And yet I'm told some o' your cockered-up fly-flappers
carnt 'it a 'ole in a pound o' butter, or stand a straight nose-ender
without turning faint! Evidently funking _and_ faking pays a jolly
sight better than 'onesty and 'ard 'itting.

Well, well, _Mister Punch_, I'm hout of it now, thanksbe. And I ain't
sure as I could shape myself 'andy to the Slugger SULLIVAN and JEM
SMITH kind o' caper. The "resources o' science" is so remarkable
different from what they wos in _my_ days, and include so many
new-fangled barnies as we worn't hup to. These 'ere pugilistic
horchids, so to speak, wants deliket 'andling _in_ the Ring, as well
as hout on it, and a fair 'ammering from a 'onest bunch o' fives might
spile the pooty look of 'em for their fust-clarss Saloons, Privet
Boxes, and Swell Clubs. But you can tell Mister JACKSON, Eskvire, an
cetrer, an cetrer, an cetrer (put it all in, please, Sir, as I vant to
be perlite), that in my day I'd a bin only too 'appy to fight 'im to
a finish (which mighn't ha' bin in five minutes, either, hunless he
wanted it so), for--his Travelling Hexpenses!!!

Yours to kommand,
THE CHICKEN.

* * * * *

SINGULAR PLURALITY!

O SHAW-LEFEVRE, was it but fatality,
Or could it be because the subjects bore 'em,
That, when you wished to argue on plurality.
About one Member came to form a quorum?
No doubt the others meant this to denote
That when you speak you like "One Man, One Vote."

* * * * *

FRIENDLY ADVICE TO MRS. HUMPHRY WARD, A PROPOS OF HER TROUBLE WITH HER
ADVERSE CRITICS.--_Grieve_ no more!

* * * * *

[Illustration: WHAT OUR ARTIST (THE ONE WHO PAINTS THE PRETTY
"KISS-MAMMY" PICTURES) HAS TO PUT UP WITH.

_Tommy._ "IT'S A LITTLE GIRL, FAST ASLEEP, WITH HER DOLL IN HER ARMS!"

_Jimmy._ "YES; AND WHEN SHE WAKES UP, _WON'T_ SHE BE FRIGHTENED AT
THAT GREAT BIG BIRD!"]

* * * * *

ST. JOHN'S WOOD.

These hapless homes of middle class,
Can they escape annihilation
When come, in place of trees and grass,
A filthy goods-yard and a station?

If such seclusion sheltered Peers,
Their wealth and influence might save it;
No speculator ever fears
Artists or writers such as crave it;

Or if it housed the WORKING MAN,
Would Lords or Com