ducation?

_Answer_. Yes, thanks to the liberality of the School Board.

_Q._ Do you know more than your parents?

_A._ Certainly, as my father was a sweep, and my mother a charwoman.

_Q._ Would either occupation suit you?

_A._ Certainly not; my aspirations soar above such pursuits, and my
health, impaired by excessive study, unfits me for a life of manual
labour.

_Q._ Kindly tell me what occupation _would_ suit you?

_A._ I think I could, with a little cramming, pass the examinations
for the Army, the Navy, or the Bar.

_Q._ Then why not become an officer in either branch of the United
Service, or a Member of one of the Inns of Court?

_A._ Because I fear that as a man of neither birth nor breeding, I
should be regarded with contempt in either the Camp or the Forum.

_Q._ Would you take a clerkship in the City?

_A._ Not willingly, as I have enjoyed something better than a
commercial education, besides City clerkships are not to be had for
the asking.

_Q._ Well, would you become a shop-boy or a counter-jumper?

_A._ Certainly not; I should deem it a sin to waste my accomplishments
(which are many) in filling a situation suggestive of the servants'
hall, rather than of the library.

_Q._ Well then, how are you to make an honest livelihood?

_A._ Those who are responsible for my education must answer that
question.

_Q._ And if they can't?

_A._ Then I must accept an alternative, and seek inspiration and
precedents from the records of success in another walk of life,
beginning with the pages of the _Newgate Calendar!_

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

PLATFORMULARS.

"_The humble individual who now addresses you_;" i.e., "I mustn't
exactly assert my superiority in so many words; this is an invitation
to you to do it for me."

DOUBTFUL RECOMMENDATION.

"_Quite a wonderful wine, when you think of the price_;" i.e., Good
enough for _you_.

"_He is said to have quite the biggest practice about here_;" i.e.,
You may call him in if you like; _I_ shouldn't.

FRIENDLY COMMENTS ON CHARACTER AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

"_Poor dear Mulligan! he it quite too delightfully good-natured,
don't you know_;" i.e., "A great goose who gushes, and fancies it
generosity."

"_A great authority on Golf_;" "An energetic bore, whose talk is all
of 'bunkers' and 'Mr. BALFOUR.'"

ELECTIONEERING.

"_Have been asked to come forward_;" i.e., "The result of ten years
pu