we have been wrongly switched on. From your
description you seem to be having the interview I was expecting with
my dear good Grandmother. While this charming young Lady--But perhaps
you would like to see for yourself?

A thousand thanks! It is my own ARAMINTA! Pray let us change places,
and allow me to resign you your good Grandmother at once.

Ha! why does that poor Gentleman turn faint and stagger towards the
door in search of a little air? Let us ask the Postmistress.

She says he has just concluded a terrible interview with his Wife's
mother. But see, he has recovered himself and struck an attitude of
defiance. That at least, at the other end, will impress her.

See how that Stockbroker is leaping with delight! And no wonder. He
has just been electrophonoscopically attending the "Illinois Central"
half-yearly meeting at New York, and, having speculated for the rise,
finds that he has made a pot of money.

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, June 30_.--Wanting to know about Heligoland
in the Lords. ROSEBERY inquires especially how population like the
change?

"Oh, that's all right," said the MARKISS; "if there's one thing
the Heligolanders have been pining for since date of their birth,
it is for union with Germany. If we'd only been generous, we ought
to have gratified their desire long ago. I don't wish to touch on
controversial matters, but I must say if the Government, of which
my noble friend was an ornament, had, when in office, only ceded
Heligoland to Germany, they would have deserved well of their country,
and might have been assured of the enthusiastic support of noble Lords
on this side of the House, and of the Party of which my nephew is
a Leader in another place. It is impossible for me, without making
your Lordships late for dinner, a crime from which I trust to hold
my conscience free, fully to set forth the universal advantage that
arises from this stroke of policy. It pleases everybody, especially
the Heligolanders."

ROSEBERY persistent; wants to know what means were taken to obtain
the opinion of the population, and elicit this paean of joy?

"Oh!" said the MARKISS, "obviously, they are documents of a
confidential nature."

[Illustration: The Exile from Erin. (Just arrived in Holyhead.)]

"Confidential with the population?" asks GRANVILLE, in softest tones,
with bewitching smile, and m