the Local War Savings Association
at the rate of several inches a day.

***

We are pleased to say that the Wimbledon gentleman who last week was
inadvertently given a pound of sugar in mistake for tea is going on as
well as can be expected, though he is still only allowed to see near
relations.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _The Grouser_. "JUST OUR ROTTEN LUCK TO ARRIVE 'ERE ON
EARLY-CLOSING DAY."]

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

"ANTIQUES.--All Lovers of the Genuine Antiques should not fail to
see one of the best-selected Stocks of Genuine Antique Furniture,
&c., including Stuart, Charles II., Tudor, Jacobean, Queen Anne,
Chippendale, Sheraton, Hepplewhite, Adams, and Georgian periods.

FRESH GOODS EVERY DAY."

_Provincial Paper_.

* * * * *

A new German Opera that we look forward to seeing: _Die
Gothaedummerung_.

* * * * *

"A man just under military age, with seven children, is ordered to
join up."--_Weekly Dispatch_.

Such precocious parentage must be discouraged.

* * * * *

"HELSINGFORS, Sept. 28.--The Governor-General of Finland has
ordered seals to be affixed to the doors of the Diet."--_Times_.

This seems superfluous. Seals have always been attached to a Fin Diet.

* * * * *

"A party of the Russians in their natural costumes have come
to Portland to ply their trade as metal workers. They make a
picturesque group, which a Press writer will try to describe
to-morrow morning."--_Portland Daily Press (U.S.A.)_.

We trust that he did not dwell unduly upon the scantiness of their
attire.

* * * * *

MODEL DIALOGUES FOR AIR-RAIDS.

[A few specimen conversations are here suggested as suitable for
the conditions which we have lately experienced. The idea is to
discourage the Hun by ignoring those conditions or explaining them
away. For similar conversations in actual life blank verse would
not of course be obligatory.]

I.

_A_. Beautiful weather for the time of year!
_B_. A perfect spell, indeed, of halcyon calm,
Most grateful here in Town, and, what is more,
A priceless gift to our brave lads in France,
Whose need is sorer, being sick of mud.
_A_. They have