concert pitch by coining
new nicknames for Lord HALDANE. The list already extends to four
figures.

* * * * *

"Khartum has the reputation of being a very hot place this time
of year. But last June must have been fairly damp if the
meteorological statistics published by the 'Sudan Times' are
correct. The rainfall during this month amounted to no less than
33.6 kilometres. No wonder a man I know there wrote to say the
other day that sometimes the rain is too heavy for him to go on
sleeping on the roof, and this in spite of a waterproof sheet. A
life-belt would probably be more useful."--_Egyptian Mail_.

Only NOAH'S Ark would really meet the case.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Tommy_. "WHAT ARE YE GOING TO DO WITH IT?"

_Second Tommy (with tiny prisoner)._ "FIX IT ON THE BONNET OF THE
GENERAL'S MOTOR-CAR."]

* * * * *

MATILDA

_(From our Adjutant's Diary)._

The depot has decided that Matilda is a notable puppy. I could not tell
you her particular make, but our motor cyclist artificer described her
as a "1917 model; well upholstered but weak in the chassis and
unreliable in the differential on hairpin bends; in fact, built for
comfort and not speed."

Matilda became a celebrity all in one day. The C.O. wrote the following
chit to her master:--

"O.C.-'A' Company.--If your dog _must_ stroll into my orderly-room, will
you please see that she is kept reasonably clean? Please take necessary
action, initial and return."

Matilda was bathed and sent back for inspection to the C.O., with a chit
from O.C. "A" Company, pointing out that, as he couldn't initial her, he
had put his office stamp on her tummy and hoped it wouldn't rub off.

The C.O. pronounced Matilda to be moderately clean. As she was
conducting the trumpeter back to "A" Company she fell into a vat of
by-products near the mess hut. She couldn't be washed again, as the
Quartermaster had already written three scathing chits about the
previous use of depot disinfectant. Matilda spent the night licking
herself clean in the detention cell.

The staff of "A" Company loved Matilda in spite of the fact that her
conduct was prejudicial to good order and military discipline, and that
she constantly used abusive language to her superiors. Even the Company
Sergeant-Major loved her. He might have loved her still, but ... and
that'