t yelling
'Beatrice' at the top of its voice."

As regards meat and drink I consider that Beatrice overdid it for a
war-time lunch. She didn't give me any time to hold her hand, she was so
busy.

"It's curious," I said, as I watched the amount of food that was going
her way, "but my heart seems to have stopped murmuring altogether."

"Has it?" she said. "Oddly enough, mine's begun."

"Your luncheon has overstrained you," I said.

I had a letter from Beatrice the next morning.

DEAR JIMMY (she wrote),--You were wrong. Mine was a real murmur.
It's been coming on for some time, but not on your account. It's
murmuring for Basil Fludger. He's on leave, and we fixed things
up last Tuesday. I didn't tell you when I met you, because I was
afraid you wouldn't want to take me to lunch, and I _did_ enjoy
it.

Yours ever, BEATRICE.

If my heart gets really noisy I do hope it won't shout for Beatrice. It
would be so useless.

"Let us go hence, my heart;
she will not hear" (_Swinburne_).
* * * * *

[Illustration: "HEARD THE LATEST RUMOUR UP FROM THE BACK, GEORGE? WAR'S
GOING TO BE OVER NEXT WEEK."

"HO. WELL, I HOPE IT DON'T UPSET MY GOING ON LEAVE NEXT TUESDAY."]

* * * * *

CIGARISTICS

["According to an enterprising American scientist a man's
character can be told from the way he smokes a cigar."--_Weekly
Paper_.]

For, instance, a man who snatches a cigar from somebody else's mouth and
smokes it himself may be assumed to be of a grasping disposition.

The man who while smoking a cigar burns his finger is a man of few words
and quick of action. Plumbers never burn their fingers like that.

The man who smokes his cigar right through without removing it from his
mouth is a deep thinker. Lord NORTHCLIFFE always smokes one cigar right
through before deciding what England really wants, and two when he has
to decide which Cabinet Minister must go.

The man who accepts a cigar from a friend, lights it, sniffs and drops
it behind his chair has no character worth mentioning.

* * * * *

Mem. for Agriculturists.

Protect the birds and the insects will be in their crops. Destroy the
birds and the crops will be in the insects.

* * * * *

"S.P. (Lincoln).--Humming-birds don't hum with their mouths. The
humming is the vibration of their wi