o her.

"May I speak of our old, worn love, this last time. It, too, is
changing, is it not? Say, has not the body of that love died, and left
you its invulnerable soul? You see, I can give you a spirit love, I have
given it you this long, long time; but not embodied passion. See, you
are a nun. I have given you what I would give a holy nun--as a mystic
monk to a mystic nun. Surely you esteem it best. Yet you regret--no,
have regretted--the other. In all our relations no body enters. I do not
talk to you through the senses--rather through the spirit. That is why
we cannot love in the common sense. Ours is not an everyday affection.
As yet we are mortal, and to live side by side with one another would be
dreadful, for somehow with you I cannot long be trivial, and, you know,
to be always beyond this mortal state would be to lose it. If people
marry, they must live together as affectionate humans, who may be
commonplace with each other without feeling awkward--not as two souls.
So I feel it.

"Ought I to send this letter?--I doubt it. But there--it is best to
understand. Au revoir."

Miriam read this letter twice, after which she sealed it up. A year
later she broke the seal to show her mother the letter.

"You are a nun--you are a nun." The words went into her heart again and
again. Nothing he ever had said had gone into her so deeply, fixedly,
like a mortal wound.

She answered him two days after the party.

"'Our intimacy would have been all-beautiful but for one little
mistake,'" she quoted. "Was the mistake mine?"

Almost immediately he replied to her from Nottingham, sending her at the
same time a little "Omar Khayyam."

"I am glad you answered; you are so calm and natural you put me
to shame. What a ranter I am! We are often out of sympathy. But in
fundamentals we may always be together I think.

"I must thank you for your sympathy with my painting and drawing. Many a
sketch is dedicated to you. I do look forward to your criticisms, which,
to my shame and glory, are always grand appreciations. It is a lovely
joke, that. Au revoir."

This was the end of the first phase of Paul's love affair. He was now
about twenty-three years old, and, though still virgin, the sex instinct
that Miriam had over-refined for so long now grew particularly strong.
Often, as he talked to Clara Dawes, came that thickening and quickening
of his blood, that peculiar concentration in the breast, as if something
were aliv