fesses herself a
perfect treasure of economy and excellence, warrants herself sober,
amiable, and cleanly--who, without other vouchers for her fitness than
her own, would dilate on her many virtues and accomplishments, and
demand to be taken into your service because she has higher taste for
self-panegyric than her rival. Such a thing would be preposterous in
the kitchen, but it is exactly what takes place in parliament, and
there is but one remedy for it. Let her majesty's servants, when they
leave their places, receive written characters, like those of less
exalted persons. These documents would then be on record when the
applicants sought other situations, and could be referred to with more
confidence by the nation than if given by the individuals themselves.

How easily would the high-flown sentiments of any of the "outs" be
tested by a simple comparison with his last character--how clearly
would pretension be measured by what he had done in his last place. No
long speeches, no four-hour addresses would be required at the
hustings then. Show us your character, would be the cry--why did he
leave his mistress? the question.

The petty subterfuges of party would not stand such a test as this;
all the little miserable explanations--that it was a quarrel in the
kitchen, that the cook said this and the footman said that, would go
for nothing. You were turned out, and why?--that's the bone and sinew
of the matter.

To little purpose would my Lord John remind his party that he was
going to do every thing for every body--to plunder the parsons and
pay the priests--to swamp the constitution and upset the
church--respectable people would take time to look at his papers; they
would see that he was an active little busy man, accustomed to do the
whole work of a family single-handed; that he was in many respects
attentive and industrious, but had a following of low Irish
acquaintances whom he let into the house on every occasion, and that
then nothing escaped them--they smashed the furniture, broke the
looking-glasses, and kicked up a regular row: for this he was
discharged, receiving all wages due.

And then, instead of suffering long-winded panegyrics from the member
for Tiverton, how easily would the matter be comprehended in one
line--"a good servant, lively, and intelligent, but self-sufficient,
and apt to take airs. Turned off for quarrelling with the French valet
next door, and causing a difference between the familie