, to fill all the vases all over the house. Pink roses will be
the best, I think, and you can buy them at that little flowermonger's
across the road."

"But there are pink roses in the garden," he objected.

"Only a kind of double dog-rose," I told him. "We never allow the
dog-roses in the house: they haven't been properly trained. Besides you
would certainly pick all the puppies and scratch yourself to death.
There's no dog-rose without its tooth. You want the big ones that are
grown exclusively on short stalks without any roots. And Araminta will
never know that they haven't been there for several days at least."

"All right," said Charles, "I'll tackle the flower-smith for you."

When I came home on the following evening, before going upstairs, I
peeped timidly into the dining-room and found to my delight that Charles
had been as good as his word. All the vases had burst as though by a
miracle into radiant blossom. Taking courage I went up to the
drawing-room, found Araminta and saluted her, and then looked round with
a smirk of conscious self-satisfaction. Charles had chosen pink
carnations for the drawing-room, and the place was as starry as the
final chapter of a _feuilleton_.

"What do you think of the flowers?" I said proudly.

"They're simply _lovely_," she replied. "But----"

"But what?" I asked with a sudden vague qualm. "Don't you like pink
carnations?"

"I adore them," she said. "I was just going to ask how long they'd been
there, that's all."

"These particular ones?" I said airily. "Oh, two or three days, I think,
at most; not more than that."

"I see," she replied with a little smile. "That makes it more wonderful
still."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, there isn't any water, you see, in the vases."

* * * * *

Illustration: COOL STUFF.

THE TABLOID. "YOU CAN MAKE IT AS HOT FOR ME AS YOU LIKE, I SHALL _NOT_
DISSOLVE."

[The above is prospective. No sensible person desires a dissolution
during the present crisis abroad.]

* * * * *

Illustration: THE ETHICS OF THE RING.

[Boxing champions receive almost as much pay for losing as for winning.]

_Manager_ (_to applicant for position of traveller_). "AND WHAT SALARY
WOULD YOU REQUIRE?"

_Applicant._ "L600 A YEAR IF I GIVE SATISFACTION; L400 IF I DON'T."

* * * * *

THE MAGIC NUMBER.

I have a telephone--a simple unpretentious toy, just lik