is not so pointed as his boots,
Bright with the polish which his manners lack,
Nor yet so chaste as those astounding suits
Which deck his shrunken limbs and padded back.

His stays are always, _he_ is often, "tight,"
His collar, like his birth, is _sans reproche_;
He seldom does a thing because it's right,
But, on the other hand, is never _gauche_.

The Music Hall hath charms to soothe his breast,
But tries in vain to tinge his pallid cheek;
And yet the print he knows and loves the best,
Is that which duly blushes once a week.

He never dances since the law shut up
His native haunt, where he could really go it,
And romp the _pas-de-quatre_, and shout and sup--
(Of course the Mayfair mothers did not know it).

He never dances--but he goes about,
And you will always meet him "everywhere,"
And sometimes after supper he'll sit out
A dance or two, provided she is fair.

Some day he'll stoop to raise her to his throne,
Look tame and tired of wild oats--for a time;
And, when They reap the whirlwind he has sown,
We'll talk of his misfortune and her crime.

* * * * *

THOSE SILENT BOOTS.

_Burglar's Ballad._ AIR--"_Those Evening Bells._"

Those Silent Boots! Those Silent Boots!
When out upon our gay galoots,
'Twill give us coves the bloomin' jumps,
If we carn't 'ear the Copper's clumps!

'Ave Bobby's Bluchers passed away?
That there will bust the Burglar's lay!
Wot, _silent_ "Slops"--like evening swells?
It's wus than them electric bells!

No, no! I 'opes, till _I_ am gone,
The Bobby's Boots will still clump on.
Their warnin' sound our bizness soots,
But bust the thought o' _Silent_ Boots!

* * * * *

SOME EVILL-MINDED PERSONS.--At the Royal Academy of Music the
competition for the Evill Prize took place last Friday, which, to
unsuccessful competitors was a day of Evill omen. This is one of the
rare instances where "Out of Evill cometh good."

* * * * *

"ART, HOW SHE IS LEARNED."

SCENE--_London. Time--any day of the Week between Show Sunday and
Academy Sunday. Present--two_ Art Critics _a la Mode_.

_First A. C._ (_after a pause_). Yes, met a crowd of people last
Sunday. Bad memory myself, but hanged if I can remember why I went out
on Sunday.

_Second A. C._ (_after consideration_). And I too. I hate going out