ose in my arms and felt his soft cheeks and
his warm little chubby hands on my face. How I long for a baby of my
own! I have thought--hoped--dreamed--

I went to the movies this evening with some friends and laughed so hard
that I thought I would break something in my internal machinery.

When I returned to the hotel I found a letter from Captain Herrick--so
manly and affectionate. He loves me! And I love him, more than anything
in the world. I feel so well today, so glad to be alive that if Chris
were here, I think I would promise him whatever he asked. I long to give
myself entirely--_my beauty, my passion, everything_--to this man that I
love.

And yet--alas!

Am I bold and vain to call myself beautiful?

* * * * *

I find myself in my diary siding strongly with women against men in
anything that has to do with emotional affairs, although I like men
better than women. My tendency is always to blame the man. This is
partly because of the hideous wrong that was done me by my husband and
partly because I like to believe that, however blame-worthy women are in
the sex struggle and, whatever _faiblesses_ they may be guilty of, the
fundamental cause of it all must be found in centuries of men's
wickedness and oppression.

I have written about this with much feeling. In one place I say:

"Sometimes I feel as if there were a conspiracy of men--all kinds of
men, including the most serious and respectable--against the virtue of
attractive women. What a downfall of masculine reputations there would
be if women should tell a little of what they know about men! Only a
little! But women are silent in the main--through loyalty or through
fear."

And again:

"What happens to an attractive woman who is forced to earn her own
living? In the business world? In the artistic world? Anywhere? I do
not say that men are a pack of wolves, but--I had such a heartbreaking
experience, especially in my brief musical career. I might have had a
small part in grand opera at the Metropolitan Opera House, New York
City, so one particular musical wolf assured me, if I would show a
little sympathy with his desire to assist me in some of the
roles--occasional private rehearsals, and so on. Oh, the beast!... He
gave the part to another girl (her voice did not compare with mine) who
was less particular, and she made her debut the next season. I went to
work at Wanamaker's store!"

And still men pursued me.