Lotte was such as to make their further
intercourse undesirable. The night before he went, according to
Kestner, all three were together in Lotte's home, and their
conversation, suggested by Lotte, turned upon the dead and the
possibility of holding intercourse with them. Whichever of the three
should die first, it was agreed, should, if possible, communicate with
the survivors. All through the evening Goethe was in deep dejection,
knowing, as he did, that it would be the last they would spend
together. The following morning he left Wetzlar without intimating his
intention to any of his friends--a proceeding which his grand-aunt,
resident in the town, characterised as "very ill-bred," declaring that
she would let the Frau Goethe know how her son had behaved.[125] In
three brief parting notes he addressed to Kestner and Lotte we have
the expression of the mental tumult which his passion for Lotte had
produced in him. On his return home, after the last evening he spent
with them, he wrote as follows to Kestner: "He is gone, Kestner; by
the time you receive this note, he is gone. Give Lotte the enclosed
note. I was quite calm, but your conversation has torn me to
distraction. At this moment I can say nothing more than farewell. Had
I remained a moment longer with you, I could not have restrained
myself. Now I am alone, and to-morrow I go. Oh, my poor head!" In the
lines enclosed for Lotte he has this outburst with reference to the
evening's conversation: "When I ventured to say all I felt, it was of
the present world I was thinking, of your hand which I kissed for the
last time."

[Footnote 125: Such abrupt departures were characteristic of Goethe.
We shall find him taking similar unceremonious leave of another of his
loves. Goethe, wrote Frau von Stein to her son (May, 1812), "kann das
Abschied nehmen nicht leiden, er ging ohne Abschied neulich von mir."]

From this record of the Wetzlar episode, directly reproducing the
relations of all the persons concerned, it is clear that Lotte was for
Goethe more than the pleasant companion he represents her in his
Autobiography. If his own words and those of Kestner have any meaning,
his feeling towards her amounted to a passion which only the singular
self-control of her and Kestner prevented from breaking bounds.
Strange as it may appear, neither Lotte nor Kestner regarded one whose
presence was a menace to their own peace with other feelings than
esteem, and apparently even af