e sight of that coffin, with its quiet inmate, did not awaken sorrow
so much as surprise; and with that, something like anger and rebellion.
I was weak and exhausted in body, but strong in wilful insubordination.
Murmuring and complaining, I spoke unadvisedly with my lips.

A gentle voice upbraided me, adding, that I had far better kneel down in
submission to God, and say "Thy will be done!" This, however, was not so
easy, for the demon of rebellion had seized me, and kept me for three
hours in a tempest of anger, filling my mind with hard thoughts against
God. I walked about the room in the most perturbed state of mind, so
much so, that I grieved my friends, who came repeatedly to ask me to
kneel down and say, "Thy will be done!" "Kneel down--just kneel down!"
At length I did so, and while some one was praying, my tears began to
flow, and I said the words, "Thy will be done!" Immediately the spell
was broken and I was enabled to say from my heart, again and again, "Thy
will be done!" After this I was conscious of a marvellous change in
mind; rebellion was gone, and resignation had come in its place. More
than that, the dear face in the coffin seemed to lie smiling in peace,
so calm and so lovely, that I felt I would not recall the spirit that
was fled, even if it bad been possible. There was wrought in me
something more than submission, even a lifting-up of my will to the will
of God; and withal, such a love towards Him that I wondered at myself.
God had been, as it were, a stranger to me before. Now I felt as though
I knew and loved Him, and could kiss His hand, though my tears flowed
freely.

The funeral took place the same morning: it was a time of great emotion;
sorrow and joy met, and flowed together. I thought of the dear one I had
lost, but yet more of the God of love I had found; and to remember that
she was with Him was an additional comfort to me. The funeral service
was soothing and elevating beyond expression; and yet, when it was all
over, such a sense of desolation came upon me, that I felt utterly
forlorn and truly sad.

My nest was now completely stirred up; but instead of bemoaning its
broken state, I could see the eagle fluttering over her young ones
(Deut. 32:1). I was conscious that God was looking on, and that He had
not forsaken me in this great wreck.

The strain and excitement I had undergone naturally brought on an
illness. I was seized with inflammation of the lungs, and was
dangerously il