have called upon you, Mr. LANE, in the hope of
eliciting your sympathy and patronage for a work I am now compiling--a
work which will, I am confident, commend itself to a gentleman of your
wide culture and interest in literary matters." (_Here you will look
as judicial as you can, and harden your heart in advance against a
new Encyclopaedia, or an illustrated edition of_ SHAKSPEARE's _works_.)
"The work I allude to, Mr. LANE, is entitled, _Notable Nonentities
of Norwood and its Neighbourhood." (Here you will nod gravely,
rather taken by the title._) "It will be published very shortly, by
subscription, Mr. LANE, in two handsome quarto volumes, got up in
the most sumptuous style. It is a work which has been long wanted,
and which, I venture to predict, will be very widely read. It is my
ambition to make it a complete biographical compendium of every living
celebrity of note residing at Norwood at the present date. It will
be embellished with copious illustrations, printed by an entirely
new process upon India and Japanese paper; everything--type, ink,
paper, binding, will be of the best procurable; the publishers being
determined to spare no expense in making it a book of reference
superior to anything of the kind previously attempted!" (_As he pauses
fur breath, you will take occasion to observe, that no doubt such a
work, as he contemplates, will be an excellent thing--but that, for
your own part, you can dispense with any information respecting the
Notabilities of Norwood, and, in short, that if he will excuse you_--)

"Pardon me, Mr. LANE," he interrupts, "you mistake my object. I should
not dream of expecting you to _subscribe_ to such a work. But, in
my capacity of compiler, I naturally desire to leave nothing undone
that care and research can effect to render the work complete--and
it would be incomplete indeed, were it to include no reference to
so distinguished a resident as yourself!" ("_Oh, pooh--nonsense!"
You will say at this--but you will sit down again_) "Norwood is a
singularly favoured locality. Sir; its charms have induced many of our
foremost men to select it for their _rus in urbe_. Why, in this very
road--May I ask, by the way, if you are acquainted with Alderman
MINCING? Alderman MINCING has been good enough to furnish me with many
interesting details of his personal career, a photo-gravured portrait
of him will be included, with views of the interior and exterior of
'The Drudgeries,' and a bit from