N ANY FRIEND I
POSSESS! INDEED, YOU'RE ABOUT THE ONLY FRIEND I'VE GOT LEFT!"

_Little Dick_ (_dreamily_). "AH, BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT I'VE
_NEVER TOLD YOU THE TRUTH BACK AGAIN!_"]

* * * * *

THE FIRST ACT--AND THE LAST.

(_A DEPARTMENTAL TRAGI-COMEDY, IN ACTIVE REHEARSAL._)

ACT I.--_The Scene represents the Interior of a Military Instruction
Room. Black Boards, on which are displayed advanced Problems and
Calculations in the Higher Mathematics, and various Scientific Charts
cover the Walls. Models of mechanical contrivances and machinery
used in the construction of complicated Small Arms approved by the
Authorities, are scattered about in every direction._ TOMMY ATKINS
_is discovered, giving his best attention to the conclusion of a very
lengthy but rather abstruse explanatory Lecture._

_Military Instructor_ (_who has been for an hour and a half explaining
the intricate mechanism of the new Magazine Rifle, finally approaching
the end of his subject_). Well, as I have fully explained before, but
may state once more, so as to firmly impress it on your memory, you
will bear in mind that the cylindrical portion will be shortened
in front, the end of the rib being provided with tooth underneath,
and stud on top, both studs on rib to have undercut grooves, a
small keeper-screw, and bolt-head for cover, being added, while
the cocking-stud is enlarged. Then do not forget that jammed cases
or bullets are removed by two ramrods, screwed together by the
locking-bolt being omitted. I needn't again go over the twenty-four
different screws, but, in ease of accident, it will be well to retain
their various outside thread diameters in your memory, specially not
forgetting that those of the Butt Trap Spring, the Dial Sight Pivot,
and the Striker Keeper Screw, stand respectively at .1696, .1656, and
.116 of an inch. Of course you will remember the seven pins, and that,
if anything should go wrong with the Bolt Head Cover Pin, as you will
practically have to take the whole rifle to pieces, you should be
thoroughly familiar with the 197 different component items, which,
properly adjusted one with the other, make up the whole weapon. I
think I need not refer again to the "sighting," seeing that the Lewes
system is abolished, and that the weapon is now sighted up to 3,500
yards, "dead on," no matter what the wind may be. With this remark,
I have much pleasure in placing the rifle in your hands (_g