be
in London and the country on the 25th instant; so the best way is to
prepare to receive Father Christmas.

* * * * *

SO-HO, THERE!--Some persons think that the proper place for "The
Pelican" ought still to be--the wilderness.

* * * * *

NOVELTY.--Quartette for three players--"Whist! the Dumby Man!"

* * * * *

EDUCATIONAL WORK (BY C.S. P-RN-LL).--_The Crammer's Guide to
Politics_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: IRISH ACTORS IN AMERICA.]

* * * * *

A DRESS DRAMA.

(BY A PERPLEXED PLAYWRIGHT.)

I've got myself into a horrible mess,
Of that there can be no manner of doubt,
And my forehead is aching, because I've been making
A desperate effort to get myself out,
And I'm given away, so it seemeth to me,
Like a threepenny vase with a pound of tea.

I promised an actress to write her a play,
With herself, of course, in the leading part,
With abundance of bathos paraded as pathos,
And a gallery death of a broken heart--
It's a capital plan, I find, to try
To arrange a part where the audience cry.

So I quickly think of a beautiful plot,
The interest ne'er for an instant flags;
The sorrowful ending is almost heart-rending,
As the heroine comes on in tatters and rags.
It is better than aught I have thought of before,
And will certainly run for a twelvemonth or more.

Yet, alas! for my prospect of glory and gain,
She has strangled my play at its moment of birth,
For now she has written to say she is smitten
With the newest designs and creations of WORTH,
And to quote her own words--"As a matter of fact,
I've a couple of costumes for every act."

Then there follows a list of the things she has bought,
Though I'm puzzled indeed as to what it may mean.
She is painfully pat in her jargon of satin,
Alpaca, nun's veiling, tulle, silk, grenadine,
And she asks me to say if I honestly think
She should die in pearl-grey, golden-brown, or shrimp-pink?

So here I am left in this pitiful plight.
With nothing but dresses, what _am_ I to do?
For I haven't a notion what kind of emotion
Is suited to coral or proper for blue;
And if, when she faints, but they think she is dead,
Old-gold or sea-green would be better than red.

Will crushed strawberry do for an after