will cause sound to travel very distinctly, but frightfully and
equally loud, for forty miles in all directions; by attaching this
powerful instrument to the combination of the other two, Cole's
Electro-micro Scolding Machine is formed--and which is the first
Scolding Machine ever invented. If the machine is already _charged_
by having had some scolding spoken, or even whispered into it, give
the handle a turn, and forty miles to the east, forty miles to the
west, forty to the north, forty to the south, forty up in the sky,
and down in the mines forty miles deep, in fact forty miles in every
direction, everybody can clearly hear every word being said to the
girl being scolded. Suppose for instance, Hannah Maria Smith had done
something wrong in school, the schoolmistress could give the handle
of the machine a turn, and it would scold her so loudly that her
mother, and father, and brothers, and sisters, and uncles, and aunts,
and friends, and those she didn't like would all hear her scolded.
The machine can be charged on the instant by anyone scolding into it.
In fact the whole value of Cole's Scolding Machine lies in its power
to repeat out exceedingly loud whatever is spoken into it.

If the schoolmistress chooses she can put the scolding into verse, so
that all who hear it in the forty miles around, can more easily
remember it. The machine that I have before me now, was charged this
morning for an aristocratic school and speaks as follows:--Silence!!
Attention!!!

Ada Alice Arabella Angelina Andal,
Why do you talk for ever, such a tittle-tattling scandal?
Betsy Bertha Bridget Belinda Bowing,
Will you be quiet and go on with your sewing?
Cora Caroline Christina Clarinda Clare,
Now do look in the glass at your untidy hair.
Dorah Dinah Dorothy Dorinda Dresson,
You really must get on with your short drawing lesson.
Edith Ellen Evelina Elizabeth Eadle,
This makes this day your nineteenth broken needle.
Fanny Florence Frederica Florinda Flynn,
How cruel of you to prick Jane with a pin.
Grace Gertrude Genevieve Georgina Grimble,
You careless girl to lose your silver thimble.
Hilda Hanna Harriet Henrietta Hawker,
You really are a most inveterate talker.
Ida Izod Irene Isabella Inching,
You spiteful--stop that scratching and pinching.
Jane Julia Josephine Jemima Jesson,
Sit down at once and learn your music lesson.
Kate Kester Katrina Kathleen Kent,
You're vulgar, saucy, ru