wits to rout.

Prevari-Kate's a surly maid,
She's sure to have her way;
The cavilling, contrary jade,
Objects to all you say.

There's alter-Kate, a perfect pest;
Much given to dispute;
Her prattling tongue can never rest,
You cannot her refute.

Then dislo-Kate, is quite a fret,
Who fails to gain her point;
Her case is quite unfortunate
And sorely out of joint.

Equivo-Kate no one will woo--
The thing would be absurd.
She is so faithless and untrue,
You cannot take her word.

There's vindi-Kate, she's good and true,
And strives with all her might
Her duty faithfully to do
And battles for the right.

There's rusti-Kate, a country lass,
Quite fond of rural scenes;
She likes to ramble through the grass
And through the evergreens.

Of all the maidens you can find,
There's none like edu-Kate;
Because she elevates the mind
And aims at something great.

[Illustration: My Five Cousins.]

[Page 25--Girl Land]

[Illustration: Electro-Micro Scolding Machine.]

Coles Electro-micro Scolding Machine For Scolding Naughty Girls

Cole's Electro-micro Scolding Machine is a combination of three
instruments, the Phonograph, the Microphone, and the Wonderphone.

The Phonograph is an instrument that will preserve words for any
length of time. Any person can speak, sing, whistle, or scold into a
Phonograph, and months or years afterwards by simply turning a handle
the same sounds can be reproduced a dozen, a hundred, or a thousand
times in the exact voice of the person who spoke them in; so that if
a man or a woman, who is a great scold, speak some good, loud, severe
scolding into a Phonograph, the mildest teacher can then scold her
pupils, or the kindest mother her children, just by turning the
handle.

The Microphone is an instrument that magnifies sound in the same way
as a microscope magnifies objects; a very powerful microphone
magnifies the sound of a fly walking into a loud tramping footstep,
the tick of a watch into a deafening clatter, and a whisper into a
loud shout. Take a Microphone, then properly affix it to the
Phonograph described above, and you have a good Scolding Machine;
turn the handle, and as the Phonograph gives out the scoldings, the
microphone part magnifies them so loudly that they are heard for a
considerable distance.

The Wonderphone (Cole's own secret) is another remarkable instrument;
it