y, Sir.

_Judge._ My dear friend, I feel for your misfortunes. I make every
allowance for them. By the Statute under whose provisions both of us are
here, I notice that I have the power to sentence you to seven years'
penal servitude.

_Prisoner_ (_startled_). Seven years! But you ain't going to do it?

_Judge._ My dear friend, I will do nothing that is unjust.

_Prisoner_ (_angrily_). You'd better not, or you'll 'ear of it again!

_Judge._ I hope, I do hope that is not intended as a threat! My object
is to treat you courteously, and even considerately, but, as I have
already remarked, the Law is, in fact, the Law. Although I represent the
London County Council to a very large extent, still I am a Member of the
Bar, and, by virtue of my office, a gentleman. Under these
circumstances, I shall only be doing my duty--painful as its performance
may be--when I sentence you to be kept in penal servitude for seven
years.

_Prisoner_ (_indignantly_). What, seven years! Why, you----

[_Scene closes in hurriedly upon a flood of language more
forcible than polite. Curtain._

* * * * *

Illustration: THE GRAND OLD PRINTER.

SEVERAL REPORTS HAVE APPEARED IN THE PAPERS ABOUT THE PRINTING OF THE
NEW HOME-RULE BILL BY AN OLD EXPERIENCED HAND WORKING IN SECRET.

* * * * *

Illustration: AN UNDERGROUND SELL.

_First Passenger._ "THEY SAY THEY'VE PUT ON DETECTIVES 'ERE, TO CATCH
COVES AS TRAVELS WITHOUT TICKETS."

_Second Passenger._ "'AVE THEY? WELL, ALL I CAN SAY IS, _I_ CAN TRAVEL
AS OFTEN AS I LIKE FROM CANNON STREET TO VICTORIA, AND NOT PAY A
'APENNY!"

_Detective._ "SEE HERE MATE; I'LL GIVE YOU HALF-A-CROWN IF YOU TELL ME
HOW YOU DO IT."

_Second Passenger_ (_after pocketing the Half-Crown_). "WELL,--WHEN I
WANTS TO GIT FROM CANNON STREET TO VICTORIA WITHOUT PAYIN'--_I WALKS!_"

* * * * *

"CUT AND COME AGAIN."

The Annual New-Year's Dinner of Anti-Vivisectionists took place
yesterday. The following was the _menu_:--

Oysters--eaten alive.

Turtle Soup--the Turtle having been exhibited for several days
previously in a Confectioner's window.

Stewed Eels--chopped up wriggling.

Lobsters--boiled alive.

Prawns--ditto ditto.

Curried Rabbit--trapped.

Pates de Foies Gras.

Roast Pork--Prize Pig, suffocated at a show.

Roast Veal--Calf bled to death to secure an elegant whiteness.