original
treatment, and no one could say whether I was wrong in my facts, because
no one was in a position to contradict me. In addition to that, as the
story related to boys and athletic sports (both of which subjects I knew
something about), it seemed the very theme of a good tragedy, which
might make my name immortal, and rank to all generations as an English
classic.

It might have, but somehow it didn't. However, I have kept the copy
still, and this book shall be the fortunate medium of introducing the
tragedy to the world.

In case any of my readers, as is possible, should be unacquainted with
the story of Romulus and Remus, let me say that I believe (but am not
quite sure) that they were two twin brothers, both boys, left orphans at
an early age, and nursed by a stepmother in the shape of a wolf. They
were subsequently discovered, and having grown to manhood, it occurred
to Romulus to build Rome. For this modest undertaking Remus chaffed his
brother, and practised the high jump over his walls, naturally damaging
them considerably. Whereupon Romulus knocked him on the head, and lived
happily ever afterwards.

This, briefly, is the story. Now for the tragedy:--

Romulus and Remus; Or, Catching Him On The Hop.

(The sub-title was a concession to the democratic tastes of the present
generation, who like to have their curiosity excited without being told
too much.)

_Dramatis Persona_.

Men. Romulus (a boy). Remus (his brother). John (a shepherd).
Faustulus (a policeman).

Women. A Wolf. Mary Ann (a maiden of forty).

_Chorus, Soldiers, Sailors, Volunteers, Bricklayers, Boys, Maidens, and
Lictors_.

_Act I_.

Scene I.--A Wood near Rome.

_Enter She-wolf with two boys in her mouth, John following_.

_John_. She-monster, tell me, what have you got there?

_Wolf_. Two kids, my John; and dinner-time is near.

_Rom. and Rem._ Oh my! alas! help! hi! Will no one hear?

_John (smacking his lips_). Say, gentle Lupus, where didst find them
both?

_Wolf_. Listen! I'll tell you while you lay the cloth.

(_Sings_).

I'm a wolf, I'm a wolf, in this big lonely wood,
And I live in a hole in a tree,
And I daily prowl forth in my free, hungry mood
To look for my dinner and tea.
I never object to the wing of a man,
Or a tender young lamb gives me joy;
But what I like best is a slice off the breast,
Or the leg, or the arm, of a boy.
To-day I'm in luck, as you plainly may s