might be said to have been royally
connected, being a king's messenger (and so, indeed, he might be
considered, having been a twopenny postman), and that her mother had
long scores against the first nobles in the land (she was a milk-woman),
and that she had dry-nursed a young baronet, and was now not merely a
ladies' maid, but a _lady's_ laides' maid. All this important and novel
communication sunk deep in my father's mind, and when he heard it he
could hardly believe his good fortune in having achieved such a
conquest; but, as the sequel will prove, his marriage did not turn out
very happily. He used to say to me, "Jack, take my advice, and never
marry above your condition as I did; nothing would please me but a
_lady's ladies'_ maid; I had no right to look up to even a _ladies'_
maid, and had your mother only been a simple maid, all might have been
right." But these were after-reflections when it was too late. I do not
wonder at my poor father's senses being dazzled, for, as he said to me,
"You see, Jack, after being used to see nothing but Point women, all so
slack in stays and their rigging out of order, to fall aboard of a craft
like your mother, so trim and neat, ropes all taut, stays well set up,
white hammock-cloths spread every day in the week, and when under way,
with a shawl streaming out like a silk ensign, and such a rakish gaff
topsail bonnet, with pink pennants; why, it was for all the world as if
I was keeping company with a tight little frigate after rolling down
channel with a fleet of colliers; but, howsomever, fine feathers don't
make fine birds, and handsome is as handsome does."

My father's marriage was, however, precipitated by circumstances. One
afternoon, after he had been accepted, he had taken his quid out of his
cheek, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and was in the act of
giving and receiving a chaste salute, when Lady Hercules happened to
come down into the kitchen--a most rare occurrence, and wholly
unexpected from a lady of her refined and delicate ideas. She caught my
father and mother in the very act; and (as my father expressed it) with
an exclamation of horror, "She 'bout ship, and sculled upstairs like
winkin'." A loud peal of the bell summoned up my mother, leaving my
father in a state of no pleasant suspense, for he was calculating how
far Sir Hercules could bring in "kissing a lady's ladies' maid" under
the article of war as "contempt of superiors," and, if so, how many