e and he was a blithering idiot in appearance
and behavior. No one in his senses could have accepted him as anything
human and the eyeglass had been but a part of his unreal absurdity.

And yet, here on the "Plutonia," were at least a dozen men, men of
dignity and manner, who sported monocles and acted as if they were
used to them. The first evening before we left port, one or two were in
evidence; the next afternoon, in the Lounge, there were more. The
fact that they were on an English ship, bound for England, brought the
monocles out of their concealment, as Hephzy said, "like hoptoads after
the first spring thaw." Her amazed comments were unique.

"But what good are they, Hosy?" she demanded. "Can they see with 'em?"

"I suppose they can," I answered. "You can see better with your
spectacles than you can without them."

"Humph! I can see better with two eyes than I can with one, as far as
that goes. I don't believe they wear 'em for seein' at all. Take that
man there," pointing to a long, lank Canadian in a yellow ulster,
whom the irreverent smoking-room had already christened "The Duke
of Labrador." "Look at him! He didn't wear a sign of one until this
mornin'. If he needed it to see with he'd have worn it before, wouldn't
he? Don't tell me! He wears it because he wants people to think he's a
regular boarder at Windsor Castle. And he isn't; he comes from Toronto,
and that's only a few miles from the United States. Ugh! You foolish
thing!" as the "Duke of Labrador" strutted by our deck-chairs; "I
suppose you think you're pretty, don't you? Well, you're not. You look
for all the world like a lighthouse with one window in it and the lamp
out."

I laughed. "Hephzy," said I, "every nation has its peculiarities and the
monocle is an English national institution, like--well, like tea, for
instance."

"Institution! Don't talk to me about institutions! I know the
institution I'd put HIM in."

She didn't fancy the "Duke of Labrador." Neither did she fancy tea at
breakfast and coffee at dinner. But she learned to accept the first. Two
sessions with the "Plutonia's" breakfast coffee completed her education.

"Bring me tea," she said to our table steward on the third morning.
"I've tried most every kind of coffee and lived through it, but I'm
gettin' too old to keep on experimentin' with my health. Bring me tea
and I'll try to forget what time it is."

We had tea at breakfast, therefore, and tea at four in the afternoo