L (_lifting their hands_). The Knave of Hearts!

KING OF HEARTS. The rascal Knave! Where is he? Come, come, I must have
him! He is not here? Then hale me hither that churlish lout, and heavily
shall he pay his sins! (_Exeunt the three KNAVES, L._) Aha! but there is
no cause for laughter here!

KING OF SPADES (_very much excited, throws himself in an exhausted
condition on the bench, L._). Laughter--laughter? Well, I should say
thee nay! Is the larder robbed?

QUEEN OF HEARTS. Nay, he has but taken the fire-crackers.

KING OF SPADES. The crackers--the crackers! Did he take the cheese too?

JOKER. Nothing else is gone.

King of Spades. Ah, fortune be praised!

QUEEN OF CLUBS (_to QUEEN OF HEARTS_). And did you fashion these
fire-crackers?

KING OF HEARTS. With her own hands she fashioned them.

JOKER. One for each guest.

QUEEN OF CLUBS. Indeed--indeed! And is the Queen as dexterous at the
fashioning of fire-crackers as she is at the baking of water-crackers
and other light confections?

QUEEN OF HEARTS. You are sweet so to flatter me.

QUEEN OF CLUBS. But I so well remember the Christmas pie.

KING OF SPADES. Pie! Where is the pie?

JOKER. It was eaten last Christmas, the pie.

KING OF SPADES. Oh, alack!

JOKER. But it was a noteworthy pie. I have rhymed upon it. Pray listen.
[_Sings._]

"Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye,
Four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie;
When the pie was opened
The birds began to sing;
Was not that a dainty dish to set before the King?"

KING OF SPADES. Indeed that must have been a toothsome dish.

[_Noise and commotion without. Enter the KNAVES, L., two dragging,
one pushing the KNAVE OF HEARTS. He is forced to his knees in
front of the KING OF HEARTS' throne._]

KING OF HEARTS (_sternly_). There be severe accusations against thee,
Knave.

KNAVE OF HEARTS. Oh, my King! I pray--

[Illustration: "DIDST THOU STEAL THE FIRE-CRACKERS?"]

KING OF HEARTS. Silence, churl! Answer but my questions. Didst thou
steal the fire-crackers?

KNAVE OF HEARTS. Not "steal," my lord.

KING OF HEARTS. Didst thou steal the fire-crackers?

KNAVE OF HEARTS. I did but take them from the table.

KING OF HEARTS. Thou makest confession, then?

KNAVE OF HEARTS. My lord, my lord, I would but say one word in
explanation.

KING OF HEARTS. Thou shalt say nothing. This is the second time thou art
taken a thief. Last