no more, at
least, in ignorance and levity; one face shall wince before me in the
flesh; I have taken home the sorrows I create to my own hearth and bed;
and though I continue to sin, it must be now with open eyes.

XI. IDLENESS AND INDUSTRY.--I remember a time when I was very idle; and
lived and profited by that humour. I have no idea why I ceased to be so,
yet I scarce believe I have the power to return to it; it is a change of
age. I made consciously a thousand little efforts, but the determination
from which these arose came to me while I slept and in the way of
growth. I have had a thousand skirmishes to keep myself at work upon
particular mornings, and sometimes the affair was hot; but of that great
change of campaign, which decided all this part of my life, and turned
me from one whose business was to shirk into one whose business was to
strive and persevere,--it seems as though all that had been done by some
one else. The life of Goethe affected me; so did that of Balzac; and
some very noble remarks by the latter in a pretty bad book, the
"Cousine Bette." I daresay I could trace some other influences in the
change. All I mean is, I was never conscious of a struggle, nor
registered a vow, nor seemingly had anything personally to do with the
matter. I came about like a well-handled ship. There stood at the wheel
that unknown steersman whom we call God.

XII. COURAGE.--Courage is the principal virtue, for all the others
presuppose it. If you are afraid, you may do anything. Courage is to be
cultivated, and some of the negative virtues may be sacrificed in the
cultivation.

XIII. RESULTS OF ACTION.--The result is the reward of actions, not the
test. The result is a child born; if it be beautiful and healthy, well:
if club-footed or crook-back, perhaps well also. We cannot direct ...

[1878?]

XV

THE IDEAL HOUSE

Two things are necessary in any neighbourhood where we propose to spend
a life: a desert and some living water.

There are many parts of the earth's face which offer the necessary
combination of a certain wildness with a kindly variety. A great
prospect is desirable, but the want may be otherwise supplied; even
greatness can be found on the small scale; for the mind and the eye
measure differently. Bold rocks near hand are more inspiriting than
distant Alps, and the thick fern upon a Surrey heath makes a fine forest
for the imagination, and the dotted yew trees noble mountains.