man and hollowed me out.

Supposing God Almighty simply intended to annihilate me? I got up and
paced backwards and forwards before the seat.

My whole being was at this moment in the highest degree of torture, I
had pains in my arms, and could hardly bear to hold them in the usual
way. I experienced also great discomfort from my last full meal; I was
oversated, and walked backwards and forwards without looking up. The
people who came and went around me glided past me like faint gleams. At
last my seat was taken up by two men, who lit cigars and began to talk
loudly together. I got angry and was on the point of addressing them,
but turned on my heel and went right to the other end of the Park, and
found another seat. I sat down.

* * * * *

The thought of God began to occupy me. It seemed to me in the highest
degree indefensible of Him to interfere every time I sought for a
place, and to upset the whole thing, while all the time I was but
imploring enough for a daily meal.

I had remarked so plainly that, whenever I had been hungry for any
length of time, it was just as if my brains ran quite gently out of my
head and left me with a vacuum--my head grew light and far off, I no
longer felt its weight on my shoulders, and I had a consciousness that
my eyes stared far too widely open when I looked at anything.

I sat there on the seat and pondered over all this, and grew more and
more bitter against God for His prolonged inflictions. If He meant to
draw me nearer to Him, and make me better by exhausting me and placing
obstacle after obstacle in my way, I could assure Him He made a slight
mistake. And, almost crying with defiance, I looked up towards Heaven
and told Him so mentally, once and for all.

Fragments of the teachings of my childhood ran through my memory. The
rhythmical sound of Biblical language sang in my ears, and I talked
quite softly to myself, and held my head sneeringly askew. Wherefore
should I sorrow for what I eat, for what I drink, or for what I may
array this miserable food for worms called my earthy body? Hath not my
Heavenly Father provided for me, even as for the sparrow on the
housetop, and hath He not in His graciousness pointed towards His lowly
servitor? The Lord stuck His finger in the net of my nerves
gently--yea, verily, in desultory fashion--and brought slight disorder
among the threads. And then the Lord withdrew His finger, and there
were fibres and