ought of the previous evening's adventure overwhelmed
me--made me delirious. Supposing she were not to meet me on Tuesday!
Supposing she were to begin to think things over, to get suspicious ...
get suspicious of what?... My thoughts gave a jerk and dwelt upon the
money. I grew afraid; deadly afraid of myself. The theft rushed in upon
me in all its details. I saw the little shop, the counter, my lean
hands as I seized the money, and I pictured to myself the line of
action the police would adopt when they would come to arrest me. Irons
on my hands and feet; no, only on my hands; perhaps only on one hand.
The dock, the clerk taking down the evidence, the scratch of his
pen--perhaps he might take a new one for the occasion--his look, his
threatening look. There, Herr Tangen, to the cell, the eternally
dark....

Humph! I clenched my hands tightly to try and summon courage, walked
faster and faster, and came to the market-place. There I sat down.

Now, no child's play. How in the wide world could any one prove that I
had stolen? Besides, the huckster's boy dare not give an alarm, even if
it should occur to him some day how it had all happened. He valued his
situation far too dearly for that. No noise, no scenes, may I beg!

But all the same, this money weighed in my pocket sinfully, and gave me
no peace. I began to question myself, and I became clearly convinced
that I had been happier before, during the period in which I had
suffered in all honour. And Ylajali? Had I, too, not polluted her with
the touch of my sinful hands? Lord, O Lord my God, Ylajali! I felt as
drunk as a bat, jumped up suddenly, and went straight over to the cake
woman who was sitting near the chemist's under the sign of the
elephant. I might even yet lift myself above dishonour; it was far from
being too late; I would show the whole world that I was capable of
doing so.

On the way over I got the money in readiness, held every farthing of it
in my hand, bent down over the old woman's table as if I wanted
something, clapped the money without further ado into her hands. I
spoke not a word, turned on my heel, and went my way.

What a wonderful savour there was in feeling oneself an honest man once
more! My empty pockets troubled me no longer; it was simply a
delightful feeling to me to be cleaned out. When I weighed the whole
matter thoroughly, this money had in reality cost me much secret
anguish; I had really thought about it with dread and shudderi