even up a bit on her toes to get a good hold,
and stood so for perhaps a whole minute. I was afraid that she was
forcing herself to show me this tenderness, and I only said:

"What a darling you are now!"

More I didn't say. I crushed her in my arms, stepped back, rushed to
the door, and went out backwards. She remained in there behind me.

Part IV

Winter had set in--a raw, wet winter, almost without snow. A foggy,
dark, and everlasting night, without a single blast of fresh wind the
whole week through. The gas was lighted almost all the day in the
streets, and yet people jostled one another in the fog. Every sound,
the clang of the church bells, the jingling of the harness of the
droske horses, the people's voices, the beat of the hoofs, everything,
sounded choked and jangling through the close air, that penetrated and
muffled everything.

Week followed week, and the weather was, and remained, still the same.

And I stayed steadily down in Vaterland. I grew more and more closely
bound to this inn, this lodging-house for travellers, where I had found
shelter, in spite of my starving condition. My money was exhausted long
since; and yet I continued to come and go in this place as if I had a
right to it, and was at home there. The landlady had, as yet, said
nothing; but it worried me all the same that I could not pay her. In
this way three weeks went by. I had already, many days ago, taken to
writing again; but I could not succeed in putting anything together
that satisfied me. I had not longer any luck, although I was very
painstaking, and strove early and late; no matter what I attempted, it
was useless. Good fortune had flown; and I exerted myself in vain.

It was in a room on the second floor, the best guest-room, that I sat
and made these attempts. I had been undisturbed up there since the
first evening when I had money and was able to settle for what I got.
All the time I was buoyed up by the hope of at last succeeding in
getting together an article on some subject or another, so that I could
pay for my room, and for whatever else I owed. That was the reason I
worked on so persistently. I had, in particular, commenced a piece from
which I expected great things--an allegory about a fire--a profound
thought upon which I intended to expend all my energy, and bring it to
the "Commander" in payment. The "Commandor" should see that he had
helped a talent this time. I had no doubt but that he would eventual