k ... when I got paid for my newspaper article.... He
would confer such a great benefit on me.... Even as I was speaking he
turned about to his desk, and resumed his work. When I had finished, he
glanced sideways at me, shook his handsome head, and said, "No"; simply
"no"--no explanation--not another word.

My knees trembled fearfully, and I supported myself against the little
polished barrier. I must try once more. Why should just his name have
occurred to me as I stood far away from there in "It won't be I that
will do that," he observed; adding, "and let me tell you, at the same
time, I've had about enough of this."

I tore myself out, sick with hunger, and boiling with shame. I had
turned myself into a dog for the sake of a miserable bone, and I had
not got it. Nay, now there must be an end of this! It had really gone
all too far with me. I had held myself up for many years, stood erect
through so many hard hours, and now, all at once, I had sunk to the
lowest form of begging. This one day had coarsened my whole mind,
bespattered my soul with shamelessness. I had not been too abashed to
stand and whine in the pettiest huckster's shop, and what had it
availed me?

But was I not then without the veriest atom of bread to put inside my
mouth? I had succeeded in rendering myself a thing loathsome to myself.
Yes, yes; but it must come to an end. Presently they would lock the
outer door at home? I must hurry unless I wished to lie in the
guard-house again.

This gave me strength. Lie in that cell again I would not. With body
bent forward, and my hands pressed hard against my left ribs to deaden
the stings a little, I struggled on, keeping my eyes fastened upon the
paving-stones that I might not be forced to bow to possible
acquaintances, and hastened to the fire look-out. God be praised! it
was only seven o'clock by the dial on Our Saviour's; I had three hours
yet before the door would be locked. What a fright I had been in!

Well, there was not a stone left unturned. I had done all I could. To
think that I really could not succeed once in a whole day! If I told it
no one could believe it; if I were to write it down they would say I
had invented it. Not in a single place! Well, well, there is no help
for it. Before all, don't go and get pathetic again. Bah! how
disgusting! I can assure you, it makes me have a loathing for you. If
all hope is over, why there is an end of it. Couldn't I, for that
matter, steal a handfu