, our introduction to actual fighting,
though we had already spent many torrid weeks on the Suez Canal. And no
better _mise en scene_ could we have than the old _Missa_, for the story of
the campaign would be incomplete without mention of her; she was unique.
Besides, everybody in Egypt knows the _Missa_. Those who had the misfortune
to know her intimately speak of her with revilings and cast slurs upon her
parentage.

Far back down the ages, possibly about the time when the admirable Mr.
Stephenson was busy practising with his locomotive, the _Missa_ might have
been a respectable ship, but her engines had been replaced so many times
by others more pernicious and evil-smelling, and new boards had been nailed
so frequently and promiscuously about the hull, that she resembled nothing
so much as an aged female of indifferent repute decked in juvenile and
unseemly clothes; and her conduct matched her looks.

Most men in the army will have noticed that the authorities nearly always
order a move or begin a "show" on the day of rest. I am no statistician,
but if the tally of these lost hours in bed of a Sunday morning were kept,
the army would have a few weeks' arrears of sleep to make up. On this
particular occasion we went one better than Sunday; we began on a day when
normally peace and goodwill go ringing round the world: Christmas Day,
1915. If there was any peace and goodwill about we failed to notice it, for
it was blowing and raining hard, and we had to get half a battery of
horse-artillery on board that deplorable ship.

It is no joke at the best of times embarking horses and mules; and as, in
addition to the weather, we had the _Missa_ to deal with, the humour of the
proceedings did not strike any one--except the onlookers. For she rolled
and pitched and plunged and dived as she lay there at her moorings. She was
never still a moment, and, in a word, behaved like the graceless, mercurial
baggage she was. But she was beaten in the end.

By dint of that curious mixture of patience and profanity characteristic
of the British soldier when doing a difficult job, horses and guns were at
length safely stowed away. Just before we sailed an old salt on the quay
kindly proffered the opinion that it would be dirty weather outside. He was
right. If the old _Missa_ had behaved badly in Gabbari docks, she was
odious once we got out to sea. She did everything but stand on her head or
capsize--and did indeed nearly accomplish both