of but that morning, in the midst of what
they call the safety of a town, shook me beyond experience. Peril of
slavery, peril of shipwreck, peril of sword and shot, I had stood all of
these without discredit; but the peril there was in the sharp voice and
the fat face of Symon, properly Lord Lovat, daunted me wholly.
I sat by the lake side in a place where the rushes went down into the
water, and there steeped my wrists and laved my temples. If I could have
done so with any remains of self-esteem I would now have fled from my
foolhardy enterprise. But (call it courage or cowardice, and I believe
it was both the one and the other) I decided I was ventured out beyond
the possibility of a retreat. I had outfaced these men, I would continue
to outface them; come what might, I would stand by the word spoken.
The sense of my own constancy somewhat uplifted my spirits, but not
much. At the best of it there was an icy place about my heart, and life
seemed a black business to be at all engaged in. For two souls in
particular my pity flowed. The one was myself, to be so friendless and
lost among dangers. The other was the girl, the daughter of James More.
I had seen but little of her; yet my view was taken and my judgment
made. I thought her a lass of a clean honour, like a man's; I thought
her one to die of a disgrace; and now I believed her father to be at
that moment bargaining his vile life for mine. It made a bond in my
thoughts betwixt the girl and me. I had seen her before only as a
wayside appearance, though one that pleased me strangely; I saw her now
in a sudden nearness of relation, as the daughter of my blood foe, and I
might say, my murderer. I reflected it was hard I should be so plagued
and persecuted all my days for other folk's affairs, and have no manner
of pleasure myself. I got meals and a bed to sleep in when my concerns
would suffer it; beyond that my wealth was of no help to me. If I was to
hang, my days were like to be short; if I was not to hang but to escape
out of this trouble, they might yet seem long to me ere I was done with
them. Of a sudden her face appeared in my memory, the way I had first
seen it, with the parted lips; at that, weakness came in my bosom and
strength into my legs; and I set resolutely forward on the way to Dean.
If I was to hang to-morrow, and it was sure enough I might very likely
sleep that night in a dungeon, I determined I should hear and speak once
more with Catriona.
|