be made
public without reflecting some shame upon us, since to complain of the
loss of a benefit is a sign that it was not well bestowed. As far as we
are able we ought to plead with ourselves on his behalf: "Perhaps he was
not able to return it, perhaps he did not know of it, perhaps he will
still do so." A wise and forbearing creditor prevents the loss of some
debts by encouraging his debtor and giving him time. We ought to do the
same, we ought to deal tenderly with a weakly sense of honour.

XXX. "I have lost," say you, "the benefit which I bestowed." You are a
fool, and do not understand when your loss took place; you have indeed
lost it, but you did so when you gave it, the fact has only now come
to light. Even in the case of those benefits which appear to be lost,
gentleness will do much good; the wounds of the mind ought to be
handled as tenderly as those of the body. The string, which might be
disentangled by patience, is often broken by a rough pull. What is
the use of abuse, or of complaints? why do you overwhelm him with
reproaches? why do you set him free from his obligation? even if he
be ungrateful he owes you nothing after this. What sense is there in
exasperating a man on whom you have conferred great favours, so as out
of a doubtful friend to make a certain enemy, and one, too, who will
seek to support his own cause by defaming you, or to make men say, "I do
not know what the reason is that he cannot endure a man to whom he
owes so much; there must be something in the background?" Any man can
asperse, even if he does not permanently stain the reputation of his
betters by complaining of them; nor will any one be satisfied with
imputing small crimes to them, when it is only by the enormity of his
falsehood that he can hope to be believed.

XXXI. What a much better way is that by which the semblance of
friendship, and, indeed, if the other regains to his right mind,
friendship itself is preserved! Bad men are overcome by unwearying
goodness, nor does any one receive kindness in so harsh and hostile a
spirit as not to love good men even while he does them wrong, when they
lay him under the additional obligation of requiring no return for their
kindness. Reflect, then, upon this: you say, "My kindness has met with
no return, what am I to do? I ought to imitate the gods, those noblest
disposers of all events, who begin to bestow their benefits on those who
know them not, and persist in bestowing them on th