ng them
the time that would win their favor. They complained because he did not
buy them more. They were discontented with what they had, and covetous
of what the neighbors' children had, even where it was less than their
own.

He busied himself awhile at figuring out how much, all told, his
children's upbringing had cost him. The total was astounding. If he had
half of that sum now he would not be fretting about his pay-roll or his
notes. He would triumph over every obstacle. Next he made estimate of
what the children would cost him in the future. As they grew their
expenses grew with them. He could not hope for the old comfort of sons,
when they made a man strong, for nowadays grown sons must be started in
business at huge cost with doubtful results and no intention of repaying
the investment. And daughters have to be dressed up like holiday
packages, expensive gifts that must be sent prepaid and may be returned,
collect.

He could see nothing but vanity back of him and a welter of cost ahead.
He could see no hope of ever catching up, of ever resting. His only rest
would come when he died.

If he did not sleep soon he would assuredly die or go mad. Perhaps he
was going mad already. He had fought too long, too hard. He would begin
to babble and giggle soon and be led away to twiddle his fingers and
talk with phantoms. He saw himself as he had seen other witless,
slavering spectacles that had once been human, and a nausea of fear
crushed big sweat out of his wincing skin.

Better to die than to play the living burlesque of himself. Better to
die than to face the shame of failure, the shame of reproach and
ridicule; the epitaph of his business a few lines in the small type of
"Business Troubles." Better to kill himself than risk the danger of
going mad and killing perhaps his own children and his wife. He knew a
man once, a faithful, devoted, gentle struggler with the world, whom a
sudden insanity had led to the butchery of his wife and three little
boys. They found him tittering among his mangled dead, and calling them
pet names, telling the shattered red things that he had wrought God's
will upon them.

What if this should come to him! Better to end all the danger of that by
removing himself from the reach of mania or shame. It would be the final
proof of his love for his flock. And they would not think bitterly of
him. All things are forgiven the dead. They would miss him and remember
the best of him.

They w